[the voice within]

Of rubato and latte.

2008-07-04T00:28:00.002+08:00

Finally broke out of drone-hell and got out to meet Abel to perform some of our diploma pieces. Oh man! I have no idea what I'd do without this guy, seriously. If he didn't even suggest doing the diploma together, I'd still be lounging around playing nonsense (read: sonatinas I've played a thousand times over) and amusing myself! At least now I've gotten down to playing some real stuff.

Mental notes: Stop taking the mozart sonata opening so fast! It just totally killed my semiquaver runs towards the middle section. My left wrist was close to falling apart from all that Alberti bass hell at that speed! And er, I could afford to spend more time with my Bach. I love Bach. I could just live off Bach music all day. XP

Ok, things I need to do now include actually completing my repertoire for the associate diploma! And getting down to finding the second and third movements to the Mozart sonata. I'm seriously thinking whether I should just get a teacher to have lessons once a fortnight just to make sure I'm not mucking things up, like playing in a wrong manner or *gasp* technical insufficiencies.

I'm still amazed at how Abel played his pieces. Sigh! It'll be a long time before I can even attempt Kreisler's Praeludium and Allegro and not to mention Bach's Partita No. 2 for the violin! On a side note, Dvorak's opening to the first Romantic Piece is awfully beautiful.

Am currently an addict on lattes - the cheapo schmippo McDonald's one. Yes, cheap thrill.

catching up.

2008-06-21T18:35:00.002+08:00

People keep asking me what I'm doing this holidays and sadly, I don't have much to say about it!

I only realised this really tragic fact when I went out with HL the other day. She offered to give me a treat after getting not only a physiology distinction viva, but a chance at the physio competition and dean's list as well. So, it was basically a "thank you" treat.

Sometimes I really wonder what it takes to make a person feel appreciated. I, for one hand, think that HL really went out of her way to give me a treat and give me all that presents and all that, but it really felt nice to know that someone appreciates what you have done for them in that one year. I haven't made many real friends in med school and this time, I'm sure it's just me. I like to stick alone. My OG is nice and all, but somehow, they just tend to bond better? AH. Blame it on me, thank you very much.

So, I got to know HL so much better - her worries, her own expectations...and I realised she's just like the rest of us. I use to venerate her, but now, I realised that she's just one extremely capable lady. Ah well. So much for being star struck and all.

***

We had a family portrait taken today at Hougang. I miss having everyone together again - just like CNY. And it's pretty memorable for my mum since she's finally graduated after 7 years at the Open U. She took many breaks to take care of us kids of home when we were facing important exams like A levels, PSLE and what not, so I'm really proud of her. Imagine writing 1000++ word essays on top of work! I can't even finish my freakin' readings sometimes.

***

One more month of holidays to go! I'm going to earn myself some money. :) Yet, I'm filled with trepidation about M2, what with the lack of the 4 month break again and the fact that I'm yet one step closer to working my ass off at the hospital - forever.

Revving the engine!

2008-05-29T22:33:00.002+08:00

Ok, so PDCP came and went. I skipped quite a good bit of the lectures and the tutorials and still managed to write something decent for the exam.

Then my holidays were punctuated by periods of nothingness - just plain chillax.

And now, I'm busier than ever! Got the GAP thing, the research project that I'm doing with Abel and my diploma to work on. I actually felt a mild bit of stress today, which is disturbing considering these things are meant to be fun. I need to reassess my priorities, I think.

Inner struggles abound. Just a few days back I thought I sorted it out, but clearly they are back to haunt me. And I'm not sure why. It was one of those "I think I know myself better than all of you combined" days, but all the PDCP stuff about "people reflecting who you are back to you" is getting a little to me. I know I shouldn't be bothered but I've so much time on my hands now there's no harm indulging in self-contemplation (pun not intended).

Once again, thank God for friends and family. I wouldn't have been able to stay sane till now.

I puzzle myself sometimes. Will leave some of my thoughts for later. Filing them under "Good to think about, even better to act on later".

greetings, said the holidays.

2008-05-07T22:22:00.002+08:00

And so the holidays have begun! :) I'm all radiant and beaming at the thought of having close to 4 months to chill and have a good time before the new school year starts in august.

I've always had the habit of asking myself what I want to achieve during the long holidays. Aims varied from learning how to play guitar (which not surprisingly came to no avail) to just lazing around and enjoying the moment (such as before NS, in the wake of the A levels). But this time, I realised it's pretty important for me to keep in touch with friends and family.

I haven't been studying too hard over the past year. Grades are pretty telling, I think! But somehow my moving out of the house to my granny's changed the family dynamics a little. Fortunately, it's for the better, though whether it's the case of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I've yet to see, but it's definitely better for me to have my own room. My brother and I are just way too different for us to share a room together. The toilet(!) sends me into fits every time.

Friends! Must go out for often, to compensate for the lack thereof during the school term. Somehow everyone is just perpetually "busy" - I am too, though sometimes I really wonder, "with what"?

I'm still procrastinating about the whole DipABRSM/ATCL. Abel has long moved on - gotten a teacher, practising his pieces. And he even plans to complete his 1000 word programme notes by this holidays! And what have I done so far? Ok, I've hunted down Sonata in C major K309, my toccata by Bach and a Haydn sonata. Haven't had the time to look through the 20th century pieces though I really like the Rachmaninov preludes. I need to grab a teacher! ARGH. I really should decide whether I want to do this or not and just get down to actually doing it, instead of bumming around aimlessly with the piano.

Was enlightened yesterday about boy-meets-girl issues by Lois and shu. Thanks guys, appreciate it. I always have a good time out with you guys. :)

My cousin asked me why we have to pee and why we can't just retain all the water in our bodies. He's only primary one and he has already started to question the need to pee. Almost rolled over and died on the spot. The only thing I remember about peeing at that time was trying to freaking aim. My friend's maid even promised to give him 10 cents each time he actually pee-ed into the toiletbowl and not around it. Couldn't stop laughing when he told me that.

getting there!

2008-04-14T13:22:00.003+08:00

Almost choked on the panadol that I was taking just now, but never mind that. There are more important issues to worry about!

Issues are abound, yes. Today's the day before the professional exams (which are equivalent to the finals) and I'm not as confident about them as I'm supposed to be. Sure, I can probably rattle off the main nerves/arteries/enzymes/metabolic pathways but sometimes to get that elusive A, I can't help but wonder how much more I need to do, especially when I'm near the fat bulge of the bell curve. Oh the dreaded bell curve!

Still, much work remains to be done. More notes to re-read, textbooks to plow through and papers to do just so I don't get too much of a cardiac arrest during the actual exam itself.

The past few days have been fun! I've been living with my grandparents for a good 6 months or so now 'cause it's just so much nearer school. I don't have to squeeze myself into the crowded train of executives just to get to clementi mrt. It's also much quieter here now that I've my own room - my violin, my keyboard (which is a rather poor substitute for a piano, but will have to do for now) and laptop and not forgetting my tomes and stacks of notes. Yes, I'm good.

Sometimes during the weekends, when my grandparents are up and about hanging out at chinatown or watching a movie downtown or whatever, I get the whole apartment to myself, which isn't too bad! I really just need peace and quiet to study, although some supervision is also required. I'm just waaaay too distracted for my own good - facebook, blogs. URGH.

Driving test's coming up on friday! Most of my instructors have commented that my driving technique itself is rather good although I'm a careless driver. That leaves a lot to be desired (those freakin' pedestrians!!!!). Note to self: Check mirrors obsessively, watch out for pedestrians and cars(!!) in blind spots and drive within the speed limit! Hope all goes all. If there are any horror stories, I'll share them!

Bro's recovering well after the accident. Somehow I hope he's learnt his lesson. Riding on the road at 1am in the morning, hello? Cerebral cortex malfunction, really. What is one even doing at 1am awake unless you're a struggling medical student trying desperately to chow down all the notes?

Oh wait, I'm not making myself feel better. But he really deserved it. Apart from the large 15cm abrasion on his neck, he's pretty ok. No broken bones despite projectile-ing in the air for a bit so thank God for that. My grandma's threatened to throw away all his bikes - quite funny the way she said it, although the look on my brother's face was also priceless.

That'll teach him!

The sedentary lifestyle I'm living

2008-03-28T21:46:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm living out a sedentary livestyle - out loud, almost. I park myself in front of the desk to read my notes, surf the web, read more notes and occasionally, lift my derriere from my seat to grab a drink/bite/lunch/whatever.

Now that explains the visceral layer of adipocytes (read: fat) forming a conglomerate in the abdominal region. GAH! I have to go run or something, if only to atone for the sinful deed of eating fast food for lunch two days in a row. Yes, I do fall for temptations as such.

I was busy looking for scores to play on the piano today! And guess what! I found myself a pretty skeletal version of Libertango by Astor Piazzolla to satisfy my playing urges. Wish it came with a more embellished version of it with more elaborate right hand parts, but oh well. It will have to do for now until I figure out how to squeeze the inner part into my left hand instead of having it fumble with the right hand notes.

Details of my violin! I exceeded my budget by $20 but the violin's lovely. I love the tone of the violin - woody and mellow but not at all muted. Yay. This should inspire me to practise harder and attain grade 8 at least! ARGH. But for now, it's the earaches and the incessant playing of Minuet in G to get my bowing right.

Georgia, we can do it! (although I know you'll probably not read this, but, practise hard! Et prends soin de ton violon! quand tu reviens à singapour, on peut jouer ensemble! :)

My dog's driving me crazy at home. Can't stop barking, that little monster. I blame it on the rain.

THE RAIN! It makes me want to hibernate in the afternoon, which is obviously a non-feasible option considering how much there is left to study for anatomy (shudders) and biochemistry. Physiology is going to take forever by itself. I need to focus.

Just gotta hang in there before the long break comes!

post-CA, pre-pros.

2008-03-21T20:42:00.002+08:00

I just answered the phone prior to typing this entry and the auntie on the phone replied, "Wei, uncle ah?". =( Ah well. At least I don't have a kiddy voice.

YES! The CAs are finally over. 3 days felt like forever, as usual. If there's anything I've learnt from the past three days, it's that it's extremely stressful trying to sort things out the day before the CAs. Especially for anatomy.

Which leads to me to wonder, whatever happened to the promise I made to myself to buck up for semester two??

To be fair, I completed most of my readings on time, which already calls for some superhuman effort already. My physiology textbook is dutifully highlighted in pink (which matches the red-grey bichrome layout) and my anatomy textbook is read and re-read. But still, I couldn't tell whether there were two corpora spongiosum or two corpora cavernosa in the penis.

Wait. Come to think of it, cavernosum (singular) and cavernosa (plural). No spongiosa!!! ARGH. But I had to scribble (rather gleefully) that it was the corpora spongiosum of the penis in the CA some more. Terrible latin spelling. Would have left Socrates spinning in his grave.

I think I was a little distracted this time round with the violin. I always seem to be distracted by instruments. First, it was the piano, then there were the people who play the violin or piano, then now it's the violin. What is wrong with me! And it's always during the exam period that I can't seem to sit still reading about diabetes mellitus. GAH. Now I know why I don't really well for exams. I should just lock up all my instruments and leave myself with my notes.

Going off to buy my violin tomorrow! Yay. Much to look forward to. Will post pictures hopefully.

There. One day (out of three) down. 2 more to go before the mad study blaze comes back again.

more than the sum of my yesterdays

2008-02-20T21:52:00.003+08:00

And in the blink of an eye, I'm coming to the end of the school year, with only 3 weeks left before the CAs and 6 weeks before the professionals.

I don't even know what I'm doing here. ARGH. Perhaps out of frustration of the amount of work there is left to do and over many other small things that really shouldn't be thought much about. But here I am yet again, so.

Random fact #1: I love my violin! am finally able to not screech so much and play some decent tunes. I just can't figure out why my intonation is so bad! Actually when I practise the violin, I go into cycles of discouragement. I start of playing ok, then I check my intonation and then it's bad. I go plonk some keys on the piano to vent off some steam then come back and work on my pieces or studies again. Well, nothing like the piano.

I used to take my playing the piano for granted. I know that I'm not a fantastic pianist; I don't have brilliantly even trills to show off, no florid glissandos up and down the length of the keyboard and not even decent improvisation. I am but an amateur pianist. Yet when I play the violin only do I appreciate how much work I've put in into learning the piano to get to where I am. Sure, there are loads of better pianists out there, like E (sigh.), but really, that doesn't matter when I'm playing by myself. I'm happy just going through some Mozart or even the nicer piano accompaniments of some of the songs that I've sung before in the choir. I don't even care whether I got that trill perfectly right. It just is okay.

Yes, mediocrity is acceptable sometimes. I still take my Bach seriously though. Partita's coming along well. :)

Random fact #2: I am admittedly bad at anatomy.

Medical students can be blindingly brilliant at times. I just happen to be the average chum in school, getting by with stuff like "muscles of facial expression are all supplied by the facial nerve". WELL, DUH. I didn't fare too well at tutorial today, making mistakes like lingual nerve being a branch of the facial(!!!) nerve. School depresses me that way, so. I try to get over it by telling myself that I'm learning all this for my own professional development, just so I don't kill anyone in the future because of my ignorance, but exams still count for something, don't they?

Random fact #3: Nothing like old friends.

Met up with some of the welfare committee members of the students' council the other day. Sigh, I miss them so much. Sometimes I wish I didn't quit - that I just managed to explain myself away with it. I still feel that I was wronged in the past, but that's for another day. Nice to know that everyone's doing so well and that so much has transpired over the past few years yet we still could have a great time together.

***

Might work on the questions Lois posted on the church blog the next time. Today's the day for random ramblings. :)

Lost in the flurry.

2007-11-03T20:03:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered how much of an impact the people around you actually have on you?

This question hasn't just popped up in one of those random lame-ass personality quizzes in my life but I've also always asked myself that. I guess I consider myself fortunate to be surrounded by so many inspiring people. For me, the people around me constantly inspire me to change into someone I really want to be.

Had this conversation with Elin the other day over lunch at Holland Village and though it didn't really make for good "over the table" sort of talk 'cause it was so heavy and so much was said that really didn't have to be said at that time...she left me with quite a bit to think about.

I'm very different from who I was in secondary school, I'd like to think. I'm surer of who I am - not just in terms of what I like or dislike...but who I represent, both to other people and to myself. I'm more comfortable in my own skin. Which just brings me to another episode of Grey's Anatomy...we'll just leave that for another day.

Part of who I am today can really be attributed to the people around me. I'm motivated to become a better pianist/violinist/accompanist by elin, mingtse and sam...I'm motivated to become a better Christian by the many people in church...I'm motivated to appreciate life a lot more by my fellow friends still mired in the army. Guess that's good I suppose since self-improvement is one thing I realised that mattered to me since my JC days.

Just a random splutter after a long hiatus. I realised I write mostly in spurts of ten entries or so for a week then I take a freakin' extended break before I update again. Haha.

More to come, I think. I'll see how life goes.

Medicine Dinner and Dance!

2007-08-26T21:02:00.000+08:00

Yesterday saw me going to Oriental Hotel right on time looking vaguely awkward because my OG decided to be fashionably late and arrived only half an hour later. Haha! It was amazing to see everyone in their costumes and all...though I still don't understand how a chicken/lion/vampire/sailor and even Snow White relates to the theme of "Rockstar Supernova". Still. T'was a great night!

Glen with me doing a puffed cheek! OMG I look as if I have a tumour in my mouth. Amazing violinist, this guy.

Elin and I! Oh, another fellow pianist who's just taken her fellowship exam with Trinity College. She encouraged me a lot during the piano tryouts for the piano ensemble (which didn't turn out too well considering how a dufus I was at the piano at that time.) I'm going to suffer from an inferiority complex hanging out with these people soon! (just kidding.)

Emmett and I! Haha. This one goes without saying lah. =)

President scholar and me! Very very unassuming girl and just really really nice. =) She was the one who also kinda helped me with my first aid test *coughs* *splutters*. Yeah.

Julia! She's the one always taking the initiative to bond the OG together and stuff. Kinda like the ring leader of our OG. Really nice girl too! Oh, she bakes really well.

The girl who took this photo had like really shaky hands! But Bam Bam here is Eching! =) She was the one who helped me find a councillor too, even after I got Grace as my councillor. Just a really nice choir senior to have around. Her laughter is absolutely contagious, I tell you. Very diaphragmatic. HAHA!

AND I even won something for the lucky draw! I was taking a photo for two girls when they called out my number! YAYyers for the tanning voucher and the heart cushion which is currently my back support for my horrible chair at my desk.

Medicine DnD was such a blast! T'was a fantastic evening.

slept through the summer, did I?

2007-08-19T18:54:00.000+08:00

*performs immediate CPR on my blog* 30 counts, 2 ventilations - yeah, at least I know that one.

First aid test last week was absolutely dreadful. Dreadful in the "damn, why didn't I study that font 1.5 subtext" way. Absolutely painful. The only thing that made the test slightly better was the fact that people were whispering the answers all around me in the most audible manner.

"Ay, where the hell are we supposed to put the fracture ah? Above or below the fracture?"

"Er, neither. At the knee!"

*nods* Got it. B.

In other more interesting news, my orientation group just ballooned to about 10% of the medical student population! Many new additions because of the "friend of a friend" connection. And it just happens that people in my og have a lot of friends who belong to that dark void because they didn't come for the medicamp.

SEE? I told you guys to come.

It's just quite a pity I'm not too chummy with my og...they're fun to hang out with, really. And most of them are very nice people. It's just that well, sometimes, you just can't beat old friends. Lois seems to agree with me. And to prove my point that I'm not the only oddball around who fits into the og like some badly made jigsaw puzzle piece, Lynette's there to concur as well. YAY.

For now, lectures have been absolutely manageable and I've been such a saint - I already read through the first two chapters of my physiology textbook! That's 2 and a half hours work, mind you! Definitely not late night reading, unless of course you consider soporific content suitable material...to which I've nothing to say. Personally, I prefer to read reader's digest. And oh. I'm trying desperately to keep up with my reading of intellectual books in order to fulfill the great Intellectual Book Quotient for the year, so recommendations please! =D Harry Potter, most unfortunately, does not count. Neither does this nor this.

My violin lesson is coming along great! I'm on to my third lesson next week, so hopefully I can start bowing straight instead of all over the place, which explains the spine-tingling screech of the violin - which pretty much sums up how I sound like now. I shall aspire to reach grade 8 before I graduate! AHHH.

I learnt so much at church today! The lesson today was on "Difficult passages in the book of Genesis". Sounds really esoteric but it's really quite easy to understand and many new words today like "Christophany" and "anthropomorphism". Hm. Shall have to read up more. I'm still not convinced of said bear-mauling incident of the youths (yes, Lois, I know they're aged 25 or so) in response to the mocking of Elisha.

I mean, MAULING TO DEATH?

The week beckons with many lessons! First aid on wednesday and thursday, which sounds like a total pain in the ass, really. 8.30am to 6pm. I can imagine all the 30 ventilations and 2 breaths already...times 100. Not good.

one day more!

2007-06-16T21:58:00.000+08:00

And just like, another saturday's down. And I'm one day closer to disruption! *prances around the room*

Returned from Ms Tang's wedding at Calvary Bible-Presbyterian Church. She looked absolutely drop dead gorgeous - and I do mean it this time. The wedding was a traditional church wedding, with the recitation of verses and whatnot and I just thought "wow, I'd like something like that for my own wedding!", though that isn't going to come anytime soon. Feasted on the wonderful spread at the church with the 71 people before heading back home. It's quite a pity how we didn't get to talk to Ms Tang more, 'cause she's just such a nice teacher and now that she's already left hwachong we can't get in contact with her so easily, sigh. A pity, indeed.

I hate the way my brother chooses to blast his bass guitar in the room whenever I'm in the room. At least I keep my piano playing in the living room!!! Ugh. He gets on my nerves and he's partially the reason why I'm absolutely dying to get my own room - and I jolly well will when I stay at the hall residences this year! Yay. Should be tons of fun.

Another exercise outfield awaits me this week and though it's only 3 days long, we've had to do loads of preparations. Booking in at 5.15pm tomorrow's a pain in the neck as usual, but I'll live. Afterall, it's only this week before I clear my off on monday and tuesday on the last week of june! Yay! I'll talk to Staff Lau tomorrow to see if I can clear my leave on thursday and friday too just so that I get lost asap. YEAH.

I'm leaving on a jet plane, baby.

2007-06-09T17:25:00.000+08:00

"Local medicine disruption scheme...refer to routine order."

That sent me rushing to the company office after that to check out what was with the scheme...and as it turns out, I'm getting disrupted! YIPPEE. That means all the driving lessons, tennis lessons, tuition (to earn my keep 'cause dad is insistent about *weaning* me off his list of dependents), piano lessons can start a-planning already. Hooray! All that's left is to collect the forms from the manpower officer and sign them by 13th June before I pat myself on the back for a job well done.

I've been outfield the whole of the past week. Mosquitoes are absolutely ravenous, I tell you. There's no stopping them from sucking your blood dry when you're out there. My friend swore he saw a mosquito land on his mosquito coil - and still bloody blasted survive to suck a few more pints of his blood. Gee! Ferocious little bugs, they are. My hands are already ravaged by those puny little buggers. Red spots all over.

And I'm going to be outfield for the next two weeks. -.-''' Seriously, what on earth did I do wrong to deserve this?

I think I'll still stick to my mosquito coils and insect repellent. One can never be too safe.

Hide me now, under your wings.

2007-06-02T10:05:00.000+08:00

SO-o much has transpired over the past week and next week promises to be even busier for me...well, sort of. Have been arrowed to do some sentry duty at Sungei Gedong (which is really an ulu place, for those who don't know!) for the good half of next week. And even on this sunday! Worse, I've got guard duty in camp next sunday as well. Talk about burning weekends! I'm planning to clear the 3 days off I've accumulated in one shot on the 3rd week, just before the brigade block leave. Then I can have an uber long weekend then! YAY.

About the deferment letter...well, I have yet to receive news of it yet. It's worrying me so because some of my other friends have received the good news via snail mail. BAH humbug. Every morning I wake up in camp, I just can't believe I'm going to disrupt. It's almost surreal...especially when you juxtapose it against the equally strong feeling of "heckanotherdayincamp" in the morning. I've thought about it...I could live this life in the unit for another year or so. It really isn't that bad. Though disrupting will still be optimal. HEH.

We have a PSP fan club in the bunk already! All of us have monster hunter freedom and during our free time, we slay monsters on end. HAHA. Finally something for all of us to do.

Off to finish up my Haruki Murakami book! GO me.

3 days in.

2007-05-23T12:22:00.000+08:00

Here in the army, when you talk about you studying medicine, people immediately think of deferment. And so it scares me to think that not all will be disrupted to study medicine according to the formal looking letter that was sent to us by MINDEF. It scares me quite a freaking lot.

To say the least, armour here is nothing like signals institute - it's rather regimental, we're doing stuff we never quite learnt in SI itself and all my closest friends that I made in SI have all been posted to 8 signals battalion.

Talk about sadness.

It's always this "post-posting" sadness that I like to think of as an unfortunate syndrome...temporary and fleeting, but still enough to plunge me into some of the most pensive moments at times. I amaze myself at the capability to not speak for an entire morning if it befits my mood for the morning!

I've been doing my Quiet Time lately and yesterday's lesson was on contentment - about finding the least bit of happiness in moments of adversity, much like now.

If anything, I'll just try to lift my own spirits till the moment I disrupt. ARGH.

Speed through skill, signals!

2007-05-19T15:22:00.000+08:00

And at long last, my infosys operator course has come to an end! An admittedly pretty sad end at that, since I'll not be joining most of my friends in 8 signal battalion, but I'll be emigrating to kranji camp and join the signal company in HQ 4 Singapore Armour Brigade. Oh great. I'm not sure how it'll turn out and that uncertainty sure is scaring the daylights out of me (read: SOC possibility, mean officers and er...regimentation?).

Talking about mean officers, my platoon was ~~f***ed~~ punished quite harshly during the last week.

Now now, we're talking about signal institute here, which is meant to be some safe haven where NSFs can study in peace - an absolute sanctum for combat fit soldiers, well...at least sort of, what with my extended excuse.

There was a group of soldiers at the lobby doing some technical handling test. So, I didn't see much into it and just went to the parade square to fall in. That was when a lieutenant came from the group and talked to the IC in a sinisterly quiet manner. One of those when you can just sense something coming. Sure enough, they turned out to be a group of commissioned officers and none of us stopped to greet them along the way out.

*cue Beethoven's 5th symphony*

So. We had to knock it down 20, which isn't a lot physically, but it sure as hell spoilt our good mood on the day of passing out.

AND GUESS WHAT? There's a sequel to it!!

We came back from lunch and there they were, the female captain (who is of a higher rank) and the male lieutenant who pumped us.

Bad vibes.

Sure enough, we had to march two rounds round the parade square because we were apparently not singing loudly enough on the way back. This is true though, since most of the time, my platoon mates either don't want to sing, like me I must admit, or they just shouldn't (yes, that's you, alvin). And there we were marching around the parade square for two rounds singing (I hesitate to even use that word...) and when we came back, the lieutenant barked at us and said that we didn't sing loudly enough and had to march as many rounds as it suit his fancy.

Fish the what, seriously.

If not for our sergeant who kindly came to our rescue, we would have been marching for maybe ten rounds before he stopped. UGH. Bad ending. Much unhappiness in the platoon.

That much said, I came home to good news!

YES AMEN.

Couldn't help bouncing off the walls of my room à la Tigger when I saw that joyous news. Kudos to kaiqian who alerted me to the results of medicine being released. I can't help but feel this sense of closure to the A levels and although much of the excitement has worn off, the thought of possible deferment is getting me all jumpy again, which is reasonable, considering it's, well, deferment!

Mum is off to Thailand to visit my Dad who's on course, so she'll probably be back with some CDs of sorts. When I sms-ed her about my medicine result, she was like "omg." which is really funny 'cause you don't get it often from people who are like serious most of the time and the use of 'omg' just cracked me up so much I fell over in stitches.

***

I've been reading voraciously as of late many thanks to my free time in signal institute. Well, perhaps no more, but still, I have to recommend a book over here. It's called The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank by Ellen Feldman. I love it to bits 'cause it's such a poignant story about what could have happened to Peter had he been able to live through the war. A intricate examination into the effects of the war on post-war survivors, I enjoyed reading how it managed to almost completely transform Peter into another person altogether.

Here's an extract from the book that I found extremely touching and it just hit right straight to the point of the unimaginable horror during those dark days. The scene features Peter, the protagonist, and his wife arguing in the kitchen.

"In the DP camp, I was assigned to work in the hospital for a while."
She stood, the saucepan suspended in midair, her eyes focused not on some distant moral imperative, but on me. I never talked about my past. She did not want to miss a word.
"There was a man, half his face had been blown away. I think he had stepped on a mine."
I saw her flinch. I really should have stopped.
"At least that was the story. Who knew what was that under the bandages? His head was swathed in them. All that was left were two holes for his eyes. His eyes were okay. Except for the lids. He had no eyelids."
A spot of chocolate spattered to the counter. She put down the saucepan. I warned myself to stop.
"Without eyelids," I went on, "he could not close his eyes. Obviously."
She was still staring at me. She had no idea what I was getting at. How could she?
"You know what happens if you can't close your eyes?"
"You can't sleep?"
"No, you can sleep with your eyes open. Many people do." I had lived in enough unholy barracks to know that. "If you don't have eyelids, you cannot stop crying. If you can't close your eyes, you cry all the time."
This time I did not apologize. I was too angry. She had made me break my vow of silence. To a man like me, the only honor left, the only decency possible, is to protect others from the horror.

I shuddered and almost teared when I read that bit.

Changing attitudes.

2007-05-04T21:14:00.000+08:00

You know? I've been reflecting a lot on what I've been doing in the past few weeks - in camp, that is. It's amazing how much my views on national service have changed over the past few weeks, almost indistinguishable from the first day I enlisted on that little island of Tekong. From anxious butterflies in the stomach, to sheer resentment of the whole regime to a plain resignation to the sad fact that I'm still here doing what I'm doing to just not caring about it anymore. It is kinda depressing how it's degenerated into that state of simple apathy, but I'm just focusing more on making friends...and trying my best to learn as much as possible without thinking that I'm in the army, still.

Bah humbug, call it self-delusional if you must.

Lately, many many officer cadets have been coming to signals institute; most of them from the batch that I was from in basic military training. With two white bars on their shoulders, sure, they look like they command more of a presence and I envy them...but for all the crap that they have to go through, I'm not really sure.

Which just brings me to the point about my dad signing on as a regular. If anything, I respect my dad a lot more now that I'm in the army - his job scope, the respect he should command being up there doing that and what he's been through in OCS. Oh the horror stories! I can't imagine myself going through that!

Phantom of the Opera at the Esplanade tomorrow! Can't wait.

All things bright and beautiful.

2007-05-02T10:33:00.000+08:00

Ah, another computer lab moment right here in signal's institute. It's great having such "breathers" in the middle of the day, especially when I just survived a 24 hour guard duty shift on labour day itself. That deserved some bolding by the word processor.

Anyway, having talked to my sergeants throughout the whole of yesterday just makes me so thankful about where I have been posted to here in SI. Sure, life here isn't a bed of roses. For one, we have feck-loads of guard duty! I mean, like 5 bleeding duties in a mere 8 weeks. Yet, the sergeants were reminiscing about their SI days, waxing lyrically about how they were happily confined in bunk on a saturday. Seriously - nuts. I hate being confined and to have them talk about it so cheerfully just makes me think they're weird. But they missed their SI days so much they actually went back up to the bunks to have a look the other day. I guess unit life must suck real bad.

Guard duty provides a lot of time for reading, especially for people like me who have perma-status (read: excused physical runs, running, marching, jumping, heavy loads X 84 days) and are relegated to desk duties, much to the envy of my other platoon mates. Yet, yesterday I was just wriggling miserably in the chair due to horrifyingly painful stomach cramps and the latent fever. WHAT THE HELL. I wanted so desperately to read my new found book (ooo!) and yet it was threatening to give me a headache as well. So there, yesterday's duty wasn't too good.

***

Medicine interview didn't go as well as expected, thought I tried to keep an optimistic front in front of the second panel of interviewers - quite "ha. ha. ha." optimism, but still, it was hard trying to think about how I should have told a little white lie here and there. Then again, what's done is done and I'm hoping it's God's will to land me a spot in medical school.

***

Course is ending in 3 weeks! And till then, I have loads of exams of which I have no idea how to pass. Gee. It really can be a boring place here at times.

And on wednesday, we all scream "nights out". =)

Learning everyday.

2007-04-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

It's really hard not to whine in camp, that's something I realised this week.

I was just reading the Men's Health magazine that I bought the other day during the night's out and they commented about how to become a more efficient office worker.

Okay, so, I'm not exactly an office worker working in a cube farm, but still, the point applies - quit whining, because no one really wants to hear it.

It's not hard to overhear the conversation going on between two people in my bunk at any given point in time.

Person A, "Very sian (read: bored) ah!"
Person B, "Yah lor, so sian. Everday do computer computer also boring."

It varies in the exact words from time to time, but the main point remains the same. I shall resolve to whine less about my fate as an infosys operator!! Yes yes yes. It's going to get better from next week onwards 'cause my radio lessons are down, so all of the lessons now are just going to be in the computer labs. Yay.

Hearing the Music

If anything, I've found it very difficult to try to learn how to play by ear. Please do not be deceived by those talented pianists out there who can play any tune they hear on the piano almost instantly.

It is not a walk in the park. (says me in a carefully punctuated manner.)

I've been profoundly inspired by this pianist who can play a really nice rendition of one my favourite songs, Part of Your World, from the Disney movie, The Little Mermaid. I cheated a little for this song 'cause I went to search for the chords online - and even some of the chords were wrong! And I'm no where embellishing my rendition as well as his. =(

I'll be praying hard about it.

Essay test for med school's tomorrow! Just thought I'd post it here for posterity. Heh.

And in short, everything builds character.

2007-04-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

Time sure passes very quickly! It's been a long time since I last blogged in this blog of mine, which died of a rather premature and quiet death. 6 months in fact! Gee.

Wonder how I even got this sudden impulse to blog.

Life has been really eventful so far, though admittedly, not exactly enjoyable. BMT's so "been there, done that" now and now that I'm an infosystems (IS) operator studying really hard at signal institute, life's looking good. Bookouts are as usual, much valued.

What do I do in camp? Hm. Nothing much! I study a lot in camp - routering, networking and radio stuff. Runs on tuesday and friday mornings. That's about it. Oh! I book out relatively early at 6pm on Friday! So that's a nice change from BMT.

Recently, I've been getting down seriously to learning some good ol' japanese, like I've always promised myself though I've been reneging on that "promise" for what seems like forever - ostensibly to my "busy schedule". With my schedule now free-er than ever (read: I have free time after 6.30pm to 10.30pm and a sprinkle of half an hour or two in the middle of the day. It does add up to quite a bit after awhile. ( ^ -^) ), I manage to squeeze in about an hour of japanese everyday. YEAH.

A little more and I'll be able to read something like this -

ゲーム理論（ゲームりろん）とは、複数の主体の存在する状況下での意思決定について研究する、20世紀半ばに確立された数学の一分野であり、「理論」の名を冠してはいるが単一の理論ではなく通常学問の分野や研究のアプローチだとされる。経済学、オペレーションズリサーチ、経営学、心理学、生物学、社会学、法学、政治学、論理学などと密接な関わりを持つ。フォン・ノイマンによってミニマックス定理（ミニマックス法）が証明された事、ならびに1944年のフォン・ノイマン・モルゲンシュテルンによる著書『ゲームの理論と経済行動』(Theory of Games and Economic Behavior, 1944)をもって分野の本格的な始まりとすることが多い。

Econs in japanese!

Ok, er, that might take a bit more than awhile.

aural orgasm.

2006-12-02T22:31:00.000+08:00

The earphones I just bought for my birthday are fan-bloody-tastic. I can't get enough of them! Although I can still hear things like "Next Stop, Yishun", they're very much muted, leaving me in aural paradise. The delineation of every single detail in the song is really jaw-dropping. Yeah.

I can't believe I'm finally going to turn 18 in about 1.5 hours time! Legal age to do almost everything previously illegal, like buying booze, but I'll never have the chance to appeal in the juvenile court anymore. Hope I don't ever have to, though.

The lychee vodka tastes really good. But that was random.

Books, essays and dvds.

2006-11-30T10:32:00.000+08:00

That pretty much sums up everything after the dreaded A levels. It didn't end with a blast as I expected it to, much unlike the O levels. Perhaps it was the 4 weeks duration that sort of diffused the effect of the final burst of euphoria at the end. I'm just so glad it's over...though there are other things to worry about, UGH.

After spending 2 days roaming town in search for the perfect outfit (barring budget constraints!) to wear to the promenade, I've bought my stuff! Yay. I think I have entered all the shops that sell men's clothes, from humble Giordano to flashy Zara. And of course, Zara was way out of my league! But it was nice to go touch some really cool blazers and shirts. Really classy, the things they have!

I've also laid my hands some books! Finally I'm making full use of the premier membership that I spent $21 getting. I always end up having to pay $21 to borrow 4 scores for the whole year without ever going back to the esplanade to borrow more. Sigh. But considering next year's going to spent mostly in Tekong and the like, I should have more time to read and I will make full use of the membership! Haha. Here are the titles I borrowed...

I know this isn't something that I usually read, but I think it's high time I read something intelligent for a change!

I love this book! It's so beautifully written that everything unfolds like a piece of ornately designed indian tapestry. He really has a way with words. This book is a lot of readable that the Salman Rushdie one, that's for sure! It even has a nice cover! I have a thang for covers.

Haha. I saw the name Adam Smith on the cover and immediately picked it up. Haven't read it yet, but I dig the cheeky title!

Freaky cover, interesting blurb. That's why.

***

Now to finish up that stanford essay and the psc application!! Today today!! And there's DALF tomorrow, of which the listening I think is going to scare the crap out of me, since they're mostly going to speak at light speed again.

I wish you'd told me to play on.

2006-11-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

Now that most of the content-heavy papers are out, I no longer have to memorise all my notes till they start coming out of my nose involuntarily! Yippee! Econs was a totally traumatic experience and it left me startled and bewildered at the end of the paper...not that I wasn't already lost in the middle of it. I checked through my essays at the last minute (the only time left, really!) and saw to my utmost horror...

"An increase in the supply of the currency will lead to an appreciation of the exchange rate of SGD to USD."

My heart almost leapt out of my mouth when I saw it 'cause there was a whole lot of analysis later about how the exchange rate affects balance of trade and growth and unemployment and blah blah for about 5 lines. SO THERE GOES. Everything about the expansionary monetary policy whoosh down the drain faster than I could even cancel them out.

"Time's up. Please stop writing."

And the examiner had an irritatingly control-freak tone in her voice that really ruffled my feathers.

Case study and data response were difficult too! =( All about some weird virtual water content and scarcity. LIKE WHAT? No China? No unpegging of currencies? No trade? Sigh. Moral of the -nightmarish- story : Can kiss my sorry a** goodbye and receive a B for econs, as always. Only that this time, it's a B - forever.

OHHHH WELL.

That disappointing overture to my 2 years of college econs aside, I think I've managed to find some light in my life after all. One, my Beethoven sonata is coming along beautifully. I've finally gotten the hang of the tricky fast bits and the weird broken arpeggios cum contrary motion thingum! Yay. One I finish this sonata, I think I'll try the Moonlight one. The third movement sounds exciting!

And erm. Korean's been really really fun! Helps loads when the girl host is kinda cute too. You know how almost all Pan-Asians look good? Like er, Tata Young, Utt, Denise Keller...Yeah. You get the drift. It's that nice blend of oriental exoticism with western sophistication and voila. You get a one hella attractive person.

Right, as if it worked like maths mumbo-jumbo.

My french hasn't been looking too chirpy though! I was just sms-ing to another friend in french the other day and it took me so long just to remember how to conjugate "joindre'' (to join) in french. Partially because the verb ends with re so it makes things a wee bit more tricky, but also because I haven't touched my conjugaison for a good half a year. Can't wait to lay my hands on the summary notes from Christl...it should come in handy during the exam.

Prom, prom, prom!!! 'Nough said.

And er, Goong rocks! - says me. I just can't wait to grab a copy after the As. Thank God I end at 9am on Thursday. Much to do on that blessed day.

안녕하세요!

2006-11-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

After having finished 4 hours of hardcore macro econs, it's time to learn more korean!! Yay. I've been taking about an hour off each night or in the afternoon to learn a little more 한 글(hangeul) each day so that I can be fluent in at least reading korean after a while. Really excited about it since I've sorta got the hang of reading korean alphabets, though glottalised consonants and compound vowels still own. Seriously. It's a lot harder to pronounce than either japanese or french.

And I wonder how my french is going to come along. I promised myself I'll listen to 20 minutes of french radio every day so that hopefully by the time my french proficiency exam comes in december, I'll be ready for the listening test, but aaaaack. I haven't been doing it! The last time I remember, I committed about ten minutes watching channel 44 on cable, which is free for now. I used to have to pay 15 bucks per month just to watch french movies and so on...and now it's free?? UGH. I must have been the last subscriber or something.

Anyway, Jodie Foster speaks perfect french. Amazing.

east asian syndrome.

2006-11-08T14:11:00.000+08:00

YAAAAAY. Chem essays are dow-n!! I think the standard was ok, and food chem was so easy. At least compared to the previous years. I saw "bread" and "draw a maltose unit" and I was beaming already. Haha. Saccharomyces cerevisiae. Oh yeah.

More maths tomorrow. Judging from how cut-throat the examiners decided to be for paper one, I'm not taking any chances this time round. Gotta mug my ass off for this paper - read through tutorials, past exam questions and just do more difficult statistics questions in preparation for some "what the..." questions tomorrow. You know how they come, like, the first question or something.

anyway.

I've been really distracted by the whole fanaticism over Korean dramas and the how everyone is lapping up the serials like it's sugar-coated candy or something. I mean, I can't deny the fact that I just love the shows, but it's still pretty irrational. I find myself humming away to some Goong tune halfway through maths/chem, which pretty much explains why my reactions were quite mixed up. ACK. But I'm so gonna learn jap/korean. Even though half the world is doing so. It's something...deeper, I think. Appreciation of the culture, perhaps?

I miss learning chinese, which is weird, considering I get a lot of shitty grades all throughout secondary school. But after losing myself in the sciences and in English, I thought it nice to go back to something I'm so familiar with. Well, sort of. Actually started reading some chinese book(!!) as a start.

More than 1/4 through As already! Yay. Pretty much can't wait till it's over so I can bask in all that Korean glory. Ohhhh yeah.

don't try this in church.

2006-11-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

Experienced one of the most embarrassing moments ever today during service. You know, today's service was again quite dry and I was semi-conscious and my attention on the slides were waning exponentially by the second. And guess what, I accidentally pressed the "play" button of my handphone in pocket and immediately, everyone could hear the cheesy Sony Ericsson trial mp3 in the phone, ringing away while the pastor was preaching. It was so loud and I could feel my heartbeat race to insane levels. Fumbled with it for a bit before it stopped. Thank God it didn't hang on me in there...if not I would have to run out of the sanctuary with the wailing phone in my hand. And I was seated in front. Sheesh.

***

Never study bio till too late at night! Two days ago, I was struggling with photosynthesis (energetics. again.) and I was at the definition of an "autotroph". Now, you have to understand that yours truly is an aural learner, so I have a habit of reading out my bio notes to myself out loud. I think it helps, though my throat did take a beating during the haze period. But never mind that! Point being, I was just rattling away when I said...

"synthesis of complex organic molecules from inorgasmic (inorganic) compounds."

LOL. I just rolled on the floor and died laughing. Who ever knew plants were so selective? ;)

3036/0524.

2006-11-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Better remember that number. Don't wanna write it wrongly lest I lose like half the total marks for a subject.

Then again, after General Paper on Thursday, I'm not sure so it'll really help anyway. Pronounced myself dead after the Application Question at 11.25am. It was so bleeding difficult! And they required so much...for both the summary and the AQ. Wow- great. And I like the fact how they saved it all for the end, like I can almost imagine them sniggering away as you flip to the back and the big jack-in-the-box springs in your face and you go "what the..." and start to scribble frantically away - without sense, at that.

So there, I said all I wanted to for the world having a single lingua franca and how free I wanna be, which didn't appear to make much sense to me after having written it...but never mind. What will crash and burn, will crash and burn. You get what I mean.

Then again, maths has been going ok...tussling a little bit with the statistics questions have been fun, in a sadistic kind of way. Like how it keeps you on your toes! Have started on maths S at long last! Yay. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be after taking such a long respite from the hellish questions...doable. I'm still gawking at the ingenious answers the teachers provide. Seriously - 3 lines for a 5 marks question. AMAZING.

Have been watching Goong - Princess Hours. Wow. I've to admit that all the royal family members look damn good, especially the Crown Princess and Prince Lu. Sheesh. They should be together! I just cringe whenever Lu makes a faux pas in front of everyone...and appears as if he didn't even know he committed one. Someone should teach him the meaning of "discretion". But one hour everyday is well spent, I must admit. This fascination of mine with the esoteric lives of royals - and they speak korean, which sounds so good! Love the tones of the language. Perhaps I should go learn korean with georgia or something. Tetra-linguism!

Dialysis and tutorial before I retire. Surprisingly, this time, I could get over the countercurrent shit and the RAAS pathways pretty quickly. Realised I knew a lot of facts already. I also realised I forgot most of my biochem and my bioenergetics. Will have to patch those tomorrow.

yes, amidst the music.

2006-10-31T00:01:00.000+08:00

on itunes: Angels and Devils by Dishwalla

Yes, in music I find solace from all my books. It's stifling trying to study day in day out and it's bleeding difficult trying to find some time to give myself in this terrible flurry of busyness - as much as I know that I'll miss this as soon as my days as a student are over. Sigh. Opposing desires, always.

Dishwalla is my favourite band at the moment! Totally gushing over the music. Some emo rock is always good, I guess. I don't exactly like the heavy sort, just more pop-ish and those that go easy on the bass, like serious! Can't stand the punk rock. Ugh. I know Opaline was released way back in 2002, but good music transcends time and it still remains a good album. Highly recommended!

I can't listen to music while I do my work, else I'll just end up humming to the tune or just singing out loud. SIGH. I wish I could just plug it in and do my maths or something. Talking about maths, I think doing the A level papers have been a relief. Their largely easier than the kind of questions we get in school, but they do ask funny questions at times. It's the 2, 3 marks questions that stump me...like....showing some equation has only one positive root. Blah. And doing chem has been ok too! Yay. Only bio's been the pain in the neck. ARGH. I take an hour or so to finish one topic so that adds up to about a good 20 hours or so working on completing the core syllabus. Depressing.

I've finished Microeconomics, but it's not done until you can write the damned essays. Oh man. I just hate writing econs essays 'cause I suck at them. Get your thoughts clear, dude. Yeah. Econs papers are in week 3 of the month of the "Yay"-Levels, so I can clear them after maths and chem is partially done.

Too much on work. GP's a wild card. I can't tell what I'll get, though an A1 will be good. Statistic's against me though. Only 70 people or so in the cohort get A1s at the A levels. 70??? That's like only 9% of the population! =((( And how on earth am I going to write as well as the humanities people who write so fluently? Talk about getting at least 15 for language.

Ok, ranting's over. Off to sleep now. More maths, bio and GP tomorrow. Frighteningly close, the A levels.

OH YEAH. I cleared the first round of interviews for the GIC scholarship!! Woohoo. The person in charge of the scholarships and thingys called me while I was taking my ritual half-hour nap in the afternoon. I almost ended up grunting over the phone. Vocabulary was reduced to "ok", "sure", "no problem". Sheesh. But that's great. Now on to say the right things. But I do want it so bad! It's a great career to have, I think. Sounds fun too! Can't say that about everything else.

Ok. Scoot.

distractions, begone!

2006-10-25T21:40:00.000+08:00

Studying has been the thang in my life now, considering that's about the only thing worth mentioning, at least vaguely. Productivity is the new buzzword around here, I guess. Have been trying really hard to slave drive myself into working hard (like covering the whole of J1 econs essay plans and tutorials in one afternoon!) and there are alas! Days like today when I feel like a rotten pile of blob - epitome of laziness, I tell you.

Too many distractions!! Let's see now...

We have...

The PSP! And no, not the girl in bikini, you dud.

I should stop trying to slay monsters! Sheesh. Seriously. I spend 50 minutes on each quest (ok, 20 minutes if I just want a quick run...) and that really adds up at the end of the day. But I do reward myself 2 hours of it at night if I can...that's provided I finish at least 80% of what I aimed to do. Hm. Today? No. Still got a good 5 topics of prehistoric J1 bio to cover. Ugh.

I should stop putting my ipod in front of it. Half of the time while I'm reading out my notes to myself I just end up gawking at it or wondering whether I really should be spending the half hour (just "half hour", but everyone knows what that ends up as...) watching that one episode of Gray's Anatomy or anime. ARGH. Bad bad bad.

And of course, the number one distraction.

My bed. Yeah. I'm very sleepy. Sometimes even when I'm not, I convince myself I am. WHAT THE HELL.

Begone, all ye distractions! =((( I will finish up my bio now.

breathless

2006-10-08T22:34:00.000+08:00

Getting the momentum back after slacking for so long sure ain't easy! That I can attest to. As much as I want to get back into the mood, as with most other people around me, laziness is reigning now. ARGH. I just need to plan. Concrete plans, concrete plans! - I chant.

I've gotten myself a new iPod! Yay. I love my music way too much to carry just a paltry 256MB around me. Can only listen to one podcast since I can't help deleting the other songs in my phone that I like. All's worked out. I'll get the iPod now and later on my birthday, I'll get new headphones! Yeah. Good music's on its way!

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father you are King over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

Love that song. I've been attending Youth Fellowship back at my Bukit Batok church and everyone's rather surprised by my sudden appearance. Like they thought I was dead or something! But it's been great immersing myself in the Word and having like-minded friends again. And catching up with church friends has been wonderful, though there's still this certain awkwardness that comes from having not met each other for sometime. Sigh. I'm just hoping that things will turn out better this time round.

Find rest my soul in Christ alone,
Know His power in quietness and trust.

I will set things right.

walking on sunshine.

2006-10-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

Today is absolutely a =)))))))))))))))))) X1000 day. I appeared on the honour roll for bio! Like bio. Never, ever, not even for a single moment in my two years here, did I ever think that I'd even manage to get a whiff of a sweet B, but an A? Surreal. Way too surreal. I was just looking at the screen and gawking at all the usual peeps' scores and wondering how on earth do they ever attain them before pam told me that I was on the list.

LIKE WHAT? BIOLOGY?

Better than winning the lottery, I tell you. Ok, maybe not. If I won a million dollars in the lottery, I'd be exponentially happier.

But still, it's cathartic for me. More so than anyone else, I'd think. It just reminds me of how far I've come since the start of JC, with all the fear about not having taken O level bio and getting owned at SPA and the first test, to scraping Ds along the way and now, an A. Seriously, too much, too fast. This is very encouraging and it has just reaffirmed my belief that with hard work, anything is possible...though bio can be really hard at times.

Nothing can take me down today! Not even the stupid Mushroom quest that I can't complete on my game, not even the lousy SATII maths book I borrowed stupidly, not even the startling realisation that SAT2 French is no pushover! Nothing! 'Cause today, it's just...way too unreal.

Too good to be true, almost.

That being said, now that the dust has settled, it's time to get back to mugging. I've started on working the SAT2s, so I'm just planning to go slowly for now. Packing my table and reviewing my prelim mistakes is a pretty good idea. And I must work harder for my S papers! Sigh. I'm so close to scoring, but I just need that "enlightenment", as Ms Tan very aptly puts it.

Nirvana, babeh.

yeah. slacking.

2006-09-30T18:11:00.000+08:00

It's been a great week just slacking around, doing absolutely nothing. The only thing I've done that resembles anything productive is my CV, in preparation for next week's interview. ARGH. Taboo word. It just reminds me too much of my first mock interview...which didn't go too well. Too consumed by fear. Yes, I'll have to pray for serenity during the interview.

Just returned from the children's day celebration at SHG. Was great fun! I'm realising that I'm not actually doing it anymore for the hours, although they do motivate me, but it's been really fun mentoring them and watching them change over the course of the year. My mentee is rather smart but I just wished sometimes that he'll put more effort into his work, which will definitely pay off in the future.

Got my monster hunter freedom game! But my psp's out of batt. Like wth. So my bro's playing with it instead of me.

Music's good. Found this really great website to download some nice songs. Building up my library to herald my new iPod (soon). My sonatas are going well too! Can't make myself learn another prelude and fugue by Bach so I'm just resorting to more Beethoven and Schubert, which are undoubtedly easier on the polyphony. Heck. I still have 2 against 3 to handle with, but really, some of the melodies are just awesome. Especially Beethoven's.

Results for prelims have been good, though my GP suffered a dip and due to a mistake that I don't even usually make! Like not including enough examples. Fatal. And not answering a whole part of the AQ, which caused me to cap at 3.5/8. Sigh. At least I've learnt something out of it. Now for chem S and bio. Hm.

Will start studying next week! SATIIs are annoying. Will have to enjoy whatever holiday's left for now.

reprieve. almost.

2006-09-21T09:02:00.000+08:00

So, the period of trials and tribulation (a.k.a. the Prelims) is finally over! Well almost, there are still the S papers, but they don't really count 'cause there's not really a need to study for them, although I'm going to work my ass off doing the tys for maths S. Just really worried for that one. At least I can crap explanations for chem! But maths. Oh maths. I'll be praying that I can do at least 5 questions out of the 13. Please please please. Just 5!!!

I just woke up from a 11.5 hours sleep. That's how deprived of sleep I am. I usually wake up at 9am if I don't have a paper on that day and sleep at about 12am to 1am, depending on how interesting my bedtime book is on that day. And how well I can focus! Some days I can hardly get past a page of the book without having to re-read it again for I hardly understood a thing.

And guess what? I dreamed in french again!! Like how weird is that? I was in this bookshop and we were supposed to count these books on a shelf for some sort of a game a la Amazing Race. And I still remember that is was 152! Cent cinquante deux! Yeah. And we were given this trivia of sorts that when you combine the sound of various traditional instruments together, via some sort of esoteric harmonic influence, you get the sound of the violin. AND I remember he was scribbling something like sound waves on the whiteboard. AND AND AND he looked like a mix between Mr Dremaux (my ex-french teacher) and the guy from Art Factory. You know. That guy who draws really well and can make large pictures on a green field using items like cloth, sand and whatnot.

Hm. I love the prelim period 'cause I have so much time on my hand and I get to play the piano uber often! Yes. Haha. I've been re-working some of my Mozart sonatas and of course, some of the pieces that play often just for fun. I'm really excited about getting the Sonata in A by Grieg right because it's so "showy" and it's really just a very poignant example of a piece from the Romantic period. Lots of chords, heavy sound, flowing "cantabile" melodies" - yep. Perfect.

Post a bid on ebay for Monster Hunter Freedom. A guy needs his games, you know. I think I'm going to sell my Lord of Rings Tactics game. It's just hopelessly boring and difficult. That should teach me a lesson or two about fulfilling the stupid moral obligation I get everytime see a game with the word "tactics" in it. Yay. Can't wait for other games like Power Stone and FF7: Crisis Core to be released.

And click here to see more pictures of the latest games in Japan! This guy is French and he's been living in Japan for about 3 years now. Total games geek. But the pictures are uber cool. Especially the article about FF2 on the DS lite. And the DS lite with the FF2 characters' effigies. Amazing.

The Japanese really know their games.

il y a tant de choses à savoir

2006-09-06T12:31:00.000+08:00

I lead a sad life indeed.

I'm so SIAN about the whole idea of mugging. It's one thing to want the As, but another issue altogether when push comes to shove and you end up playing the piano or lounging around the house doing absolutely nothing productive at all. Not good. But I'm making progress! Slowly but surely.

Nope, don't think I'm ever to finish my biology on time. There's just way too much. Too. Bloody. Much. And I resent the fact that I'm always having to memorise things and then have myself forget them as soon as I go on to revise something else. Sheesh! Retention! Retention! - I chant.

All that being said, this period of gloomy mugging is still, much thankfully, filled with rather eventful stuff. For one, the PSC seminar was a huuuuuge encouragement. I think for now, I'm more than willing to go to France to study! Hm. It was reassuring at least. And although the food was rather pitiful, the exhibition at the end of the day did help to answer some of my questions. The whole atmosphere screamed "COMPETITION! COMPETITION!". Hell. Now it's just about persuading the board to gimme the scholarship. Oh yes. Persuasion. It's an art.

Yvonne's off to Sciences-Po! We sent her off on Sunday night after much "good luck" and "LAST FLIGHT ALREADY!" from her mum, no less, and it was a touching moment. Yvonne's very much the person who we all look up to - we all referring to the french students. I mean, she did French literature all by herself and now she's on a scholarship to actually go to France to study! Like how cool is that? Now we're all aspiring to be like her - going off to chic France, hanging out in cafes (ah! Immersion programme!), and just perfecting the language. Should be a great experience for her. She'll love it.

And I realised Sciences-Po has an excellent programme. Broad-based, though it doesn't allow as much diversity in the courses you can study. It's very strong in the social sciences and it even allows you to do an immersion in the third year of studies! Ah. Parfait.

To make all of that come true, it's back to the heart for now.

Biology. WHOOZA.

oh, what a wonderful world.

2006-08-27T16:53:00.000+08:00

My kids at the centre have been planning for weeks for the programme next Saturday in celebration of Teacher's Day and guess what. We're all gonna get sabotaged on that day. Highlights include flour, water and even cockroaches! And I can't make it. Sigh. I just hope the psc seminar is going to be worth my trip down to town.

The kid I'm mentoring is showing progress so that deserves some good hurray-ing. He's pretty bright, but he's not careful enough in his work. What's with 12 year old kids thinking that their mental sums are as good as a calculator's and that they can multiply two two-digit numbers in their heads? And what's with them not drawing their models? Sheesh. I wish he'd just draw the models since they help so much. Ok, second best alternative to algebra, but seriously, 12 year olds don't exactly dig the whole idea of x being anything. Leave the real/complex number thing to another day.

Point being, I wish I could inspire him enough to realise that hard work comes from within, not without. At least that's something I've learnt over the years. I can throw him tough papers and slave-drive him by asking him to do 10 problem sums, but if he doesn't want the grades bad enough, there's no way I can ensure that he works hard enough to attain them! Is there even a way I can bring that across to him without sounding too preachy?

I wonder.

***

Life's been a great Bore and all I'm doing is mugging, mugging and more mugging. I've been alternating between chemistry and maths...and some occassional econs to break the continual drag of calculating pH or finding the area/volume of some complex looking integral. Yucks. Bio's been looking good, especially considering I can still remember what the hell "stabilising selection" is without looking at my notes! Another cause for hurray-ing.

***

SAT IIs are up on October 14th and I'm planning to take those. I know, I know, I'm fickle about whether I should go US or UK (assuming I can even pull together my finances to make it there), but fact is, I very much prefer a broad-based education that US colleges offer. Yep. And that's no point cutting off my options so early. I'm going to do Chemistry, Maths II and French (which is quite retarded, but oh well.). Variety is key. And since chemistry and maths II are pretty much A level, I shouldn't have too much of a problem revising for those. Yep.

Now the problem should be how I'm going to break the news to Miss Chua that I'm planning to apply to the US...without irritating the hell outta her. I know many students are plaguing her for references, but...ack. I just pray I don't give her too much trouble. Sheesh.

***

And just to remind myself.

- NJC chem paper 3
- Market structures (sloman + notes)
- Pack my table, which is in a complete mess!
- Read notes from "For and Against"

***

Coffee, yes.

just need that little spark.

2006-08-17T22:47:00.000+08:00

I've been receiving quite a bit of mail from this Pangya (what a dumb name!) crap and it's tempting me to play! Can't afford that now at this crucial moment! I've yet to set goals for myself this prelims, but realistically speaking, I think I'm going to set higher goals for myself this time round to spur myself! Yes, go me.

Chemistry S today was great. You know what? I think the S papers are always a humbling experience. It reminds me of so much that I've yet to know...but I love the challenge. And it's kinda fun seeing how everyone in the whole lecture theatre gets stuck at the same part in a particular question, how some brainiacs can score like 18/20 for an organic chemistry test...and so much more. It's like, when I look at all the brilliant people around me, I'm motivated to work even harder to push myself to surpass my own limits. I know I have what it takes to score at least one distinction in chem S, I just need time (and a whole lot of it at that!) to revise thoroughly the core syllabus and revising the common extra knowledge needed. ARGH. A race against time, as always.

Ironing the clothes is a pain in the butt! I hate it. And I hate how there are so many holes in the pants especially since my brother plays football in them. Sheesh. Now I have to iron my uniform every single night and it's no fun trying to lug the iron board out of the storeroom and faithfully putting it back after ironing two pieces of uniform. Sigh.

Am watching the 9pm show on Channel 8! I think the plot's pretty dry, and people keep repeating what they say. Significantly, two of the characters, one of whom is married and the other is single and "fishing" for men, keep discussing about the roles of married women versus single women and how married women are disadvantaged at the workplace. Like every single time they meet. How corny is that? I swear I've heard the phrase "I believe women should get married" no less than 5 times in their conversation. Sheesh. Even real people get bored talking about the same thing everytime. I can write better scripts.

"we warmly invite you to..."

2006-08-14T19:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a good month since I've written here and hell, I just feel like I need to release all that pent up thoughts over the past month. It hasn't been easy, what with all the rushed tutorials (bio!) and NAPFA worries.

Let's take it one at a time.

Hm. I passed NAPFA! Yes, I know, that is like a divine right of impossibly fit people in sports CCAs but for me, I struggle every year with this mid-year crisis. And this year, the trouble spots happened to be the Standing Bleeding Broad Jump and surprisingly, the run. I've never really had much trouble with my run ever since sec one but the SBJ...that one goes back a long way. And it's going to haunt me all the way till my National Service is over. So I'm just going to hop more. And hop further, damn it.

11 people in my class, including yours truly, were "invited" out of class to complete our bio(!) tutorial. 5 essay questions in about 45 min. Ok, given she didn't expect us to complete all 5 in 45 minutes, but it was a pain, seriously. Especially what with this being my second time. The first time, I really just clean forgotten the wrong assignment, on the wrong day. She usually doesn't get so mad as to throw people out, even if you don't complete your tutorial or come without your tys, but that day, let's just say she woke up feeling a little grumpier than normal. And she came up with that particular worksheet herself, so I forgive her for that "how could you not have done my work" outburst which eventually led to the Great Exodus to the library.

BUT TODAY, I don't think I deserved to be thrown out of class! I completed 3 essay questions, which is seriously more than what she can go through in an hour, much less 40 minutes. And she had to demand that we complete 5 questions. That's why bio is scary. It's like a Russian roulette...and I'm not sure whether I'm really ready to take a gamble every single tutorial. Well, most of my friends don't anyway. We complete her work. Then you have Tutorial Overkill - 204 marks worth of essays and you seriously think to yourself, she really expects us to finish all of that in one weekend?

Ok. 5 minutes of ranting up. Zip.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

***

Got invited to several other scholarship talks, like SAFOS, which I don't think I qualify for considering my scant regard to completing my 2.4km run in under ten minutes, and also the PSC scholarship. Alright, I do need the scholarship, but I don't think I'm exactly really hard up for one. Going overseas to study would be a wonderful oppurtunity, but at the end of the day, that's not half of the contract between you and the scholarship body. It's about choosing a career and not whether you can run along to your fancy, big-name university to rattle off in Philosophy, Economics, Mathematics (oh horrors.) or what have you. I think I need to give more thought to that. 6 bleeding years is a long time - and all it takes is one wrong step.

Just taking my time with that.

***

Piano has been coming along well. I can feel my Mozart sonata improving! Yay! It's more than just playing the notes, it's about the control, the touch, the whole simplicity in the playing that can only be achieved after rigorous practice. Just darn the fact that I have hardly any time to play the piano nowadays, except during the weekends to amuse myself. And to take a break from biology. (Now, we wonder why!)

***

School has been good. I met up with my church friends and my immersion programme friends and we had a good time playing A**hole Daidee and also, talking endlessly at Black Canyon Coffee. Oh yes. Good times. I just wish I could spend more time with my buddy, who's so unfortunately trapped in RJ. We made a pact that if I get into NUS medicine (oh dear Lord, PLEASE!!) and if she gets into Law, then we'll both go to NUS together and have a frolicking time. Afterall, I left RJ after three months and she had to enter RJ after 3 months. Most unfortunate timing.

***

Resolution : To read more after the A levels. And to read just a weeeee bit after the prelims. I need to tickle my brain a little. Figuratively speaking, of course.

Au revoir, for now.

2006-07-09T11:51:00.000+08:00

It's always sad when a friend has to leave for another place...and almost permanently at that. Cheryl left for Canada yesterday and some of my french classmates and I decided to send her off at the airport. Tears aside, I suppose it makes me terribly envious that they are able to just uproot (yes, up-friggin'-root everything.) and move to another place, presumably better than what there is here. She's got plans, that girl. Going to study in a college there and participating in yet another exchange programme with French students. We sorta agreed that we were going to meet each other in France in 4 years time, but we all know how those "agreements" usually turn out to be nothing more than empty promises which only serve to temporarily stave off the bitter aftertaste of a goodbye.

***

Yvonne came yesterday too and my oh my, is she looking upbeat and so much better since the last time I saw her during french class. No more untucked RJ blouse, no more unkempt hair...uh uh. She looks just so...refreshed. Must be because of the fact that she just passed the DELF C2 exam¹ and is now applying to Universite de Sciences-Po, the top university in France and had a letter written by the French Embassy about how she should be allowed to skip the entrance exam and a guy who will help get her to France even if she isn't accepted by Sciences-Po...I mean, is that going smoothly or what? She is now my idol for now and after speaking to her, I think I'm more determined to go to France to study, if only for the challenge and the rare oppurtunity to advance my french further. Now, everything just depends on the prelims and the As.

Depressing.

My iPod mini's working again...somewhat. It's not totally functional yet, but at least I got it to turn on and I can do absolutely banal stuff with it like turn it to disk mode and run diagnostics with it. Hardly much fun. I spent a total of two hours trying to repair it using the help pages on Apple but alas, iPod's stubborn and won't listen to my bidding. Crap.

***

I hate the idea of teachers guilt-tripping us when we don't do our work, although I know most of the guilt-tripping actually comes from me. My conscience just goes a-bleeping when I know I haven't done my tutorials and it just ain't too smart if your teacher happens to be one of those time bombs, waiting to explode in your face when you least expect it...

TICK.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Right. Lesson learnt : complete all the bleeding tutorials on time to avoid their wrath. Yes.

¹ "Can understand with ease virtually everything heard or read. Can summarise information from different spoken and written sources, reconstructing arguments and accounts in a coherent presentation. Can express him/herself spontaneously, very fluently and precisely, differentiating finer shades of meaning even in more complex situations."

Fleeting bliss.

2006-07-02T22:35:00.000+08:00

It's the post-block test period and the whole world is having fun. Well, sorta. I have had so much to do over the past few days...very eventful. Let's see now, 4C class gathering cum benjamin's party was great! 4C is just so special. Everyone's so comfortable with each other that it's rare and we had such a good time just talking over nonsense and catching up with one another, although most of us were from hwachong anyway and we see each other in school. It's different...we got past the perfunctory "hi"s at least. Had a good time.

Went to Adora's church today along with Emmett, Guowei and Kenneth. Charismatic, minus all the speaking in Tongues, which always scares the heck out of me. I know it's a spiritual gift and everything...but something about a room full of people rambling away in seemingly nonsensical syllables spooks me out. Thanks but no thanks, really. It was nice to go back to church once again and partake in the communion. Was reminded of how it's like to actually "carry the cross", so to speak.

Then there was Yaminee's birthday party. Met this really nice girl from ACJC who speaks Japanese (*gush gush*!) and was just awfully nice and friendly to Georgia and I since we were just about the only people apart from Christl who were affiliated to Yams by french class. No bisous, no "joyeux anniversaire"...but there's something about meeting old friends, especially peeps from french class! I miss so much about it - the french immersion programme, the days of slacking in french class and just fooling around at the back...and how we all shared the same passion for the language. Even surviving to AO level is a feat by itself! So anyway, after the party, Christl, Georgia and I, being such party animals, went out because it was "too early" to go back home. Haha...talked a fair bit. Toured around in Fullerton! And took pics.

My IPod's just about bust! Sheesh. I'm crushed! Can't believe I have to survive the long bus journeys from school back home without music! To cut the long story short, clumsy me forgot to cap my waterbottle properly before putting it into my bag with all my valuables (read: IPod, PSP, wallet, handphone.) Water plus IPod = BAD. It was soaking wet and there was even this little puddle in my bag from which I had to fish out my IPod. Now my IPod is reduced to a pathetic existence in a small plastic bag with the silly "Thirsty Hippo" at a corner of my room. Let's just pray that the fat hippo does its job well. Suck the water, baby!

Lord of the Rings Tactics is just plain frustrating. Even more frustrating when you realised you paid 70 bucks for such a difficult game. Can you imagine I got stuck at the second level and had to replay the level 4 times to actually get everyone's butt off the silly bridge before the Balrog comes and toast their behinds? 4. Flippin'. Times. And it wasn't even the Big Daddy at the end of the game!! Sometimes, I just want to smash my PSP from frustration.

Gushing about The Notebook. Yes. Just like Orlanda. =)

More DVDs to watch, more Xbox games to play. There's even a class outing on tuesday! But I'm seriously contemplating whether to go or not. Sigh.

Issues and Ideas is a pain in the neck. I wish I could set it on fire.

Now that it's over.

2006-05-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

"Aspiration - Voices in Flight" is over. As well as possibly my last time singing with the hwach choir.

We sang better than usual today, although Hainan did take a beating because of how out of tune we were right from the start...but then again, all that didn't matter. For that moment. We cherished the time together on stage and we sang our best.

Thank you for all that you have given me and for reminding me that singing will always remain as one of my greatest passions.

Thank you for the music, for giving it to me.

To all of you.

The final lap.

2006-05-14T20:41:00.000+08:00

Just one more week to go. This last week will end my journey with the hwach choir. Whether it'll end with me being relieved (of the songs and of the commitment) or even with a tinge of nostalgia, I haven't an inkling. But I'm sure I'll never forget what happens next sunday, just like how I still remember how the last concert for the rv choir went. It wasn't perfect. Then again, nothing ever needed to be. Sometimes, at that very moment, all that matters is that you're giving your best and that you're making music together. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just my two cents worth.

Practices these few days have been traumatic. To describe them as a roller-coaster ride is hardly apt at all. All I remember is my feeling low and depressed at how we didn't even forsee ourselves singing so badly. Not one person raised concerns about how we might end up singing like crap during rehearsals, how no one realised we haven't worked on some songs for weeks, how no one even...Shucks. All that whining again. For now, it's rather pointless that we work on the intangibles like bonding. We have to get down to the fundamentals - technique, staggering with other people and the overall musicality of each piece. Let's give it all that it's worth. Coming from me, it must mean something, right?

It's just quite disappointing how no one in my class really wants to come for the concert and I'm finding it hard trying to hide my disappointment. Deep down, I know it's not their fault, for choral music is hardly anyone's favourite genre of music. But then again, we're putting in so much for the concert, we're toiling endlessly on the songs...but do they realise it? All that's being presented on stage doesn't come easily, that's for sure. And I just wish all concert-goers would realise that. Sometimes, I remind myself about how much effort was actually put into playing those flawless notes and putting up those impeccable performances...and suddenly, I'm humbled by the dedication that the musicians have to their music and to the group.

***

Same things are plaguing my mind, but I shan't enumerate them all here. To cut to the chase, I have things that I'm strangely excited (!!) about. Haha...like the upcoming french proficiency exam! Wooot. Can't wait for it, really! I wonder what I'll even do with the certificate. Will I go to France to study? Am I even prepared to study in France? I know it's a lot easier trying to get a scholarship to study in a non-English speaking country, but trying to match the opposing desires of studying french (!!) and studying in english, which does facilitate learning, especially at the university level, is difficult. Bah. Just random musing.

More jumping. More pulling. Yes. Written even if only to remind myself.

Much work left. Not much time. Such a deja vu.

***

Sais-tu que je voulais tellement que tu sois là?

SAT fever

2006-05-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

Predilection = natural tendency.
Exculpate = exonerate.
Enervate = weaken.
Apocryphal = fallacious or esoteric.
Hackneyed = commonplace = trite.

"Simply stated, it is sagacious to eschew obfuscation." - Norman R. Augustine.

Amen, Lord. Amen.

***

Listening to the choir alumni sing today in the afternoon just reminded me of why I am here in the choir in the first place. Not because I need the leadership position, not because I need something to extend my pathetic CV, not because I have nothing else better to do (trust me, that is so not true.), but because simply, I love singing. I enjoy making music with other people. And it's quite disheartening to know that people around me don't seem to appreciate how difficult it is to achieve a good sound, how beautiful choral music can be at times. Even my mum banalises choral music. Sheesh. What more have I got to say? Then again, amongst like-minded people in the AVT today, enjoying the extremely good sound and very musical performance by the alumni, I knew that was it. I still enjoy singing. But what happened to all that burning excitement at the start of J1? I wish I knew. For now, I'm just going to work on getting that rich bass sound - like that bass solo guy. Oh man, his voice just fills the room and he makes it look so easy! Almost effortless. What an irony.

Singing is much more difficult than what other people think. It's not like playing an instrument. You don't just practise and somehow "get it". Just look at me. Flippin' poignant example of a person who hasn't "got it" even after close to 6 years of singing. BAH. I rest my case.

My new spectacles rock. Yep, they absolutely do. *nods*

Off to finish off my book.

Crawling out of my pile of work.

2006-04-23T17:59:00.000+08:00

ARGH. I stick by what I said, even though I said it as if I was in my own world, emmett. Ha. Ok, if only for the sake of saying it for the cathartic effect.

***

There. Loads of work to be done, but only so much time on my hands, as usual. I burnt up my whole weekend doing other stuff besides my work. So far, I've only finished a grand total of 10 Money and Prices MCQ! WHEE. Hm. Will have to finish as many MCQ questions (Money and Prices and Nervous System) plus half of my S chem questions *groans*.

MP attachment today was ok. The only useful part was the dialogue session with the ministers, namely Teo Chee Hean and Raymond Lim. We were given a list of questions to "plant" just in case there wasn't anyone to ask sensible questions on national policies. But hell. Those residents sure had a lot of things on their minds! Along the way, there were of course people like us who asked the prepared questions, so I was rolling my eyes whenever they asked the question to the ministers word for word on the script. Sheesh.

***

[edit] Yes, an entry long overdue. I hardly have the time and resolution to update my blog anymore. Funny how it actually comes down to resolution to blog and not just for the spontaneity and enthusiasm to write about my mundane life. Guess it's a sign that my interest in blogging is waning? Shucks.

Life over the past few weeks has been eventful, filled with stuff like the recital (oh. my. goodness.) and of course the NS medical checkup. Quick updates.

Recital went bad. Though not as bad as I thought it would be, I did play quite a fair bit of wrong notes here and there, amounting close to ten! Some were the 3rd notes, so they were fairly obvious...but others, I think I managed to get away with the playing of the left hand only. I lost the tenor halfway through his aria! Oh. That was the worst bit, definitely. I was trying so hard to bring him back into the piece after my suspiciously long piano "solo" and I impromptued quite a bit, like playing his part and slowing down...in the hope that he might come in. Wherever it may be. Thank God he did come in, in the end...but I still feel quite bad about it. Sigh. It all goes to show that I cannot perform after a mere two weeks of practice. And not two full weeks at that!

NS medical checkup was ok. The most awkward bit was when we had to pee into this little red bottle. It was so small! Sheesh. But that was the weirdest thing I've ever done. Took me a good 6 hours to finish all the tests, including the vocational test which consisted of a gazillion IQ-related questions. Couldn't answer most of the physics questions. So there.

Yay! Holidays are abound for the next few weeks. Can't wait!

You actually like GP?

2006-04-12T21:24:00.000+08:00

Yes, I happen to genuinely like GP, Jiahui. =) Hm...I thought about it for awhile and figured that if I were ever going to be a teacher (not my first choice profession, I assure you. My mum can vouch for that.), I'd choose to be either a GP teacher or a french teacher at the MOELC. The reasons are more than apparent. At least for both the subjects, you have some control as to what you want to teach the kids! For example, my french teacher did a great job making lessons interesting during JC french and each time I see some of my friends still continuing to study the language, I whack myself across the head for not doing A level french. Then again, that would mean that I'd be in VJC now, hanging out in the chic and exclusive french LEP room with the other 4 french LEP students. Sigh!

Had to rush out of choir today much thanks to my indecisiveness. I never thought that I'd do the DELF B2 this year until Christl asked me whether I was going to do DELF B2 or DALF C1. Like C1?? That's equivalent to about 7 to 8 years of studying french! DELF B2 is roughly equivalent to the A level french paper so I figured I'd have more of a chance of passing, especially considering the donkey years since I last spoke, listened or even written french! Must buck up! Point being, today was the last day for the registration of the DELF exam. For you information, there are only four days for the registration of the DELF exam. Yes, four pathetic, consecutive days. And you can't even register online! You have to make your way down to the Alliance Française to register. SHEESH. The french embassy should really lengthen the time period for the registration! Imagine busy people like me (*coughs*!) who actually have to MAKE time to make my trip down, onlly to register for ten minutes. Absolute waste of time.

***

My granduncle was robbed in Malaysia by two Malay guys wielding parangs. And those two guys were really sneaky! They sat in a Mercedes Benz (all spanking new, even! Then again, it was most likely stolen!) all the time outside the house, waiting for the most oppurtune time to force my hapless and pitiful uncle to grab stuff from the house. They stole about $10,000 worth of goodies - just by brandishing that 6-inch parang!

"They were probably in need in money...maybe that's why they didn't kill him." - my mum

I instinctively had a reflex response to that statement. How could anyone rob someone even if he was desperate for money? I mean, it's unjust! And uncalled for. He could have worked for the money, isn't it?

Then I remembered that side of me who's always empathising with the alleged culprit. Am I being hypocrite? How can I argue for one stand when I'm discussing issues like these with my friends and yet not walk that talk when something similar actually happens to a close kin?

Sometimes, I think I'm too much of an idealist. I'm always believing in the better half of everyone...but then again, what's with the reflex response? Am I actually contradicting myself? Do I argue the other side of the story just so that I can be different? Special?

I'm going to try to marry the two ideas. Walk the talk, definitely.

***

So. Project Work results are going to be released tomorrow. I just want to get a band two. PLEASE. That's not being greedy, right?

Biology - 55. That makes a C under the new grading system which greatly eases the chances of scoring decent grades. It used to be that poor hwach students have to garner 75 or more marks just to get A for a subject. But not now! Everyone's rejoicing because now, you only need 70 marks! And for a B, you only need 60 marks, compared to an obscene score of 68 to get a B in the past. 68!! That's almost equivalent to an A in other junior colleges. Oh well. I'm quite happy with my biology result. What did I tell you? I tried a new method of studying and hey, it worked! I got the exact same result, with even a marginal improvement! Yay.

I'm totally confused by the human kidney. I need to read my notes! Argh.

***

Many programs during the weekends! Have I over-committed myself? Nah. Love the fun.

Gadget fever.

2006-04-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

Great. Now I'm stricken with the horrible urge to buy every single little gadget in town that can play music, games or display little cute animations that are so sweet they'll probably give you diabetes when exposed for extended periods of time. ARGH! I must control my urges. Um. I mean...my strong urges to buy stuff!

Blame it on Apple. Why must they design such an ergonomically perfect device that has enamoured me? Bloody deception of beauty. BAH! I scoff. Ok, the iPod video is one of the most gorgeous inanimate object there is to have ever been invented, but I shall not succumb to temptation! I will live with my iPod mini, who has served me well over the past year (besides the way it hangs every now and then. annoying little thing.) I will not buy the iPod video!

And just when I was coming up with plan C about how I should go about getting an iPod video, my good friend Adora had the nerve to sms me about how she's going to get her black iPod video this Friday! ARGH. I'm so going to rob her. Ok. That's plan C there. Not much to plan for, besides an oppurtune time and some nifty fingers. Heh.

At least I'll get a chance to caress the sleek beauty once she gets it. Yay.

***

Chemistry is the buzzword for today. It seems like most of the tutors are in this giant conspiracy where they agree to set deadlines that fall on the same day! I can almost imagine them rubbing their palms together with that malicious look on their faces as they cackle and derive joy from the way we squirm and struggle with the questions. I spent two hours on two questions. And there were 6 of them. Alright. Given the other 4 were easy ones...so I completed those in about 2 hours as well. That's 4 hours worth of "postulate a suitable mechanism for the hydrolysis of peroxodisulphuric acid to hydrogen peroxide and sulphuric acid" for you! Synapses have been busy producing neurotransmitters! Ah. The pain of biology.

Never mind that. I couldn't keep the excitement in when I was left with two questions of S chem. Had a virtual scream over MSN with a friend and I can tell she was seriously freaked out when her monosyllabic reply of "good!" came around. Can't help but think that underneath the curt reply was her utter shock at me suddenly screaming a loud, resonant "YAAAAAY!" (with multiple "a"s at that!) in the middle of the conversation. Hm. I can be so weird at times.

***

Bought 5 new CDs for a steal. I am a happy boy now! Even my iPod is happy.

ARGH. I'm reminded of the iPod video again. Chant "I shall resist temptation" ten times in a row.

***

No friday next week! It's times like these that I feel charged up for the week, knowing that there's one less day of torture to go through. Especially when the Great Distress a.k.a. PE is being eliminated out of the picture. Wow. Look at the birds sing!

***

Wheeeee. Next week beckons. I shall face it with a smile. =D

Hell, it's been a long week.

2006-04-07T22:46:00.000+08:00

I know this sounds really cliched, but it's really true - at least for the past week. So many things have happened and it's hard trying to record everything I thought about here. It's just too much.

My week started off bad. I forgot to take my S chem book to school when there was S chem on monday. I even contemplated whether to bring it or not the night before but decided against it since it weighs as much as the bloody chemistry textbook. Sheesh. Ended up having to slog through the afternoon completing the questions. Not that I knew how to do half of them anyway.

Choir has been...rough. "Psalm 150" is the only thing on every HC chorister's mind right now, 'cause it's so difficult I feel like crying even as I'm teaching it. Can you even imagine singing weird intervals like minor 3rds and 6ths and even diminished 4ths And that's not only two bars there. It's a whole flippin' 14 pages of them. And each one has a different twist, a different set of intervals to master, to memorise. Undoubtedly, this new song is the aural exam from hell - the kind you won't even bother trying to sight sing with one look at the accidentals that dot every alternate note! Hell, it doesn't even sound correct when you play it on the piano. Probably its only saving grace is that it sounds great when all the sections sing together in tune. God knows how hard we tried today. Oh well.

PE was ok, despite my rather paltry attempts at trying to lift my weight at the pull-up bars and jumping across that 2.2m ravine we meet every other day at the Standing Broad Jump station. It was...enlightening, if not the least bit embarrassing and humiliating. ARGH. At least I tried. That's all that matters, right?

I was very motivated after the Medicine talk the other day. But I can already feel the enthusiasm to mug my butt off beginning to wear off. Not a good sign, especially after what I discussed with Christl the other day during lunch. It's nice to talk to her since she's always offering very new perspectives on stuff and she's really insightful a person.

More work to do this weekend! But to compensate for that, I'm going out for the good part of Sunday. That'll work to soothe my nerves.

I want a iPod video! Dying for one, really!

solfege!

2006-04-01T18:18:00.000+08:00

The choir tried something new yesterday at practice and it reminded me very much of my RV days. We learnt a song in solfege...well, more or less! Teaching the people who had little theory background was the hardest bit, but they caught on really fast. As much as it was helpful to them, I think it was also quite limited since we had little time and Edmund and I had to sing out the wrong bits to them. The leading notes and the subdominant notes were the worst! But every chorister makes those mistakes, so it's alright. Still! The whole feeling of learning a song so quickly thanks to solfege and combining it was very gratifying.

You know how chords that are perfectly in tune sort of have that extra "ring" to them? I think I'm hearing more of those now than before. It's amazing how the human ear is attuned to fifths and octaves, isn't it? How we're able to perfectly pitch fifths and octaves while intervals like 7ths (!!) and augmented intervals are much harder to get straight away. I wonder why. Do we even hear 5ths more often than other intervals?

I think I'm going to buy two CDs soon! I haven't decided which ones to buy...although the latest Carrie Underwood CD comes close to making the cut. I'm not going to buy the Jason Mraz songs now that I've gotten the songs from Nicole. Ha.

my eyes are tired.

2006-03-29T23:19:00.000+08:00

But I'm still going to do some complex numbers tutorial. I have no idea why I'm learning complex numbers for, except to nail that A for A levels. It's hardly relevant to anything I'm planning to do in the university!!

I didn't attend lessons today - felt uber great. The feeling you get when you go to school realising that there's not going to be any tutorials (especially bio!) is just...amazing. Joce and I pleaded Mrs Chan to return us our chem scripts since we weren't going to attend chemistry practical and...I scored A for chem too! Yay. A for maths and A for chem. That's half my goals down! The rest don't really matter, especially bio. Sometimes I think long and hard about why I have to study so hard for bio when the marginal utility starts the diminish as soon as you start revising. So. I didn't study as hard this time round and attempted to do what the ministry (*coughs and sputters*) has been encouraging all of us to do - understand the topic. Which is just an excuse for not memorising.

We sang to some international delegates at the Grand Copthorne in the afternoon. Oh oh oh, the hotel's fantastic! As we walked to our temporary holding area, there was a very strong aroma of coffee - the good quality kind. Not the one I drink every morning in my groggy state. I can't live without coffee nowadays. I'm not really awake until I have my coffee.

I digressed again. The delegates were very appreciative of our singing although bin-nam-ma was very out of tune at the end and the basses came in a whole 3 bars early at the start. Can you imagine? We all took the wrong cue, including me, from the conductor...so yes. We came in early, missed our subsequent entries echoing the tenors and hohoho, the rest didn't really matter anymore. We only came in just before the next section, which was about 10s later. SHEESH. Our conductor promised to personally strangle every single bass on monday. I'm awaiting my death.

Jonny is uber funny. We played mindless games today and he entertained me with all that anti-tenor mentality of his. Like "TS" stands for tenors suck. Haha. We don't really mean it, of course. We love you tenors. =D But not as much as the basses!

***

emcee:
let us welcome the hwachong choir!

*half-hearted claps from the delegates*

j:
you mean they've heard of our tenors already?

Give me a good reason not to laugh, really!

another paper round the corner.

2006-03-26T13:06:00.000+08:00

I realised that if I don't remind myself that there's still a paper on monday, I won't even realise that blocks haven't ended. Just yesterday, I was doing my weekly CIP at yishun service centre as usual and for once, I didn't have to bring my notes there to read during my free time. For once! That just got me into the whole "post-exam" mood and when I got home, I just whiled my time away, either watching tv or surfing blogs. And then there's the paper on monday. A one hour paper at that.

And I have S chem questions that I have to hand in tomorrow, because Mr P.ang is collecting it. Yay.

Oh well. I bought Tony Parson's "Man and Boy" and Tim LaHaye's "Tribulation Force" for ten dollars yesterday at Sembawang Shopping Centre. A steal. So many of the books were going for a song...and I just had to get something - like it was almost immoral not to. Am a very happy boy now.

If I do manage to meet my goals set out for the block tests, I'll go to Sembawang Shopping Centre and buy TWO CDs. Yes yes. It's been sometime. I saw the Jason Mraz CD yesterday and was again tempted to fork out another twenty bucks to buy it, only if I had more money and wasn't being such a scrooge on stuff like that. After hearing what my brother downloaded from Bearshare the other day, I'm a new convert! =)

Sigh. All that's left in front of me is mundane chores that I have to do. Will find something exciting to do later, or something.

blocks drawing to an end.

2006-03-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

Yes! One more paper down - chemistry! I thought the paper was quite challenging. Definitely wasn't a walkover. I had to really think hard about each an every organic reaction to determine the silly products. And ionic solubility! The black sheep, damn it. One question in the multiple choice paper stumped me - ok, a few, but I thought long and hard about the stupid magnesium chloride dissolving in some sodium salt solution. Couldn't even get any of the 4 answers. Bummer. And when it came to the structured paper, another one of those "calculate pH of the given solution" questions stumped me. SHEESH. To think that I would have known better than to do just tys questions - they hardly match up to those in the blocks.

Oh well. Rantings are more or less the same, not enough time, difficult and long essays (this time they really were long!) and challenging mcq questions. Ho hum. Might not get an A afterall.

Never mind all that! Only a paper left! Well, two. But SPA skill A can hardly be considered a paper since everyone knows what is going to come out for the exam. There's scant reason to assess us, really! It's a typical paper - cough out as much as you can remember from all the SPA notes and voila! Level 8 answer. After that, your practical is done. Woohoo!

I didn't manage to get to play my Xbox today on the tv. Sigh. Was fiddling with the tv like a tech idiot since I couldn't even change channels. You see, we changed to the digital tv cable set and it's loads better than the last one. You can even see what are the upcoming programmes! Watched a few comedies and laughed my a** off then proceeded to practise some much needed Mozart sonatas and yes, First Love. Woohoo! Finally got that tricky part where both hands are jumping around, switching positions and taking turns playing the melody. It's quite difficult trying to get your hands to do what you tell them to do sometimes. They can be rather stubborn. Often, I feel as if my hands aren't really following what my brain says. I was playing "Reflection" on the piano today. I guess I must have been really bushed but I don't really remember looking at my fingers throughout the whole piece! They just...well, played. I looked at the notes, then moved my fingers to the appropriate keys. It was kinda surreal, I suppose. Weird. You should really try playing the piano when you're tired. Play exam pieces for the full effect! =)

The Pride and Prejudice DVD is lying quite placidly on my table - awfully tempting. I. Shall. Resist. Temptation. *determined look*

Received my coloured contacts today from Joce! Yes yes. Very cool indeed. I haven't tried them on yet as I'm waiting for my contacts to expire for the month. They don't come cheap, that's for sure! Will have to maximise my use of them. Most unfortunately, they only come in 3-monthlies, so I'll have to make sure they're really clean after each time I wear them. You know what they say about your eyes turning all green - from bacteria!

Bacteria. Denitrifying bacteria. Ok. Random.

Off to finish up cellular respiration! Yay.

so that explains it all.

2006-03-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

And you wondered why I was so distracted for my block test revision.

Chemistry block test tomorrow! I have to nail that A, by hook or by crook. It's my strongest subject! I'll kick myself in the balls if I score anything less than a B for Chemistry.

Will try out my Xbox on the new tv tomorrow after chem. Yay! Can't wait. *chants reactions*

frustration at its best.

2006-03-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

Today marks the start of the block tests for the content based subjects. Well well. Maths was ok, I found it rather easy in fact...in comparison to some of the other block test papers! Hoping to score a high A on that one. Em got the wrong substitution for the question on integration - and that costs 8 marks. Sigh. That was the worst question of them all. How can they expect us to memorise all the substitutions? I managed to guess that it involved square root two, but wasn't sure whether it was root two sine or root two cosine. Stuck with sine since it's easier to differentiate! My lucky day.

Econs sucked pretty bad - not the paper per se, but the venue. Oh yes the *insert suitable expletive* venue! I'm mighty angry about us having to sit right at the end of the hall, like we're being banished into the no-wind zone. You see, my class was slated to sit at row 15, which happens to be the row facing the field. Now. That wouldn't be so much of a problem if our paper started at 8.15am, but here's where the problem came in - the paper started at 1pm. And it lasted for 2 hours 15 minutes. And we had to do three different sections on end. And there was hardly any wind going around, unless you consider the scorching convection currents slowly caressing you from the field - which was highly uncomfortable, if not irritating. Just imagine! I was more frustrated at the fact that the heat was absolutely sweltering and I could feel myself just melting away...and at the same time having to keep my mind straight about the difference between GDP and GNP. One of the worst exams I've ever taken - ever. Even beats the time I fell asleep halfway during my chinese exam in secondary three.

As part of my duty as one of the two sectional leaders for the basses, it was my turn to sit in during sectionals today and watch the interim sectional leaders conduct sectionals. I must admit they're good at it, although ZX probably needs to speak out more and not just be a human metronome, if you get what I mean. Jonny is pretty good at the whole notion of taking them through a song, but I think he can afford to be more picky about their pitching. It's scary to think that once, we were also battling with The Pitch. Seriously, singing is a lot more difficult that it looks. Trying to get people to even sing A NOTE together is like trying to get a bunch of 10 year old kids, charged with adrenaline, to clap at the same time. It's that difficult. To make it harder, not everyone has the best of ears...so we end up fixing pitches quite often. More often that I'd like, though.

I'm not so much afraid of the block tests. I'm much more afraid of what's to come after the blocks - NAPFA(!!), more S paper work, especially from chem, more incomprehensible maths topics and just the entire reality of having to sit for the A levels in less than 8 months!

To end off, Zhiyang sang really well today. I'm so proud of him - and myself for being in the same school and same CCA, even! Yes! Go Zhiyang!

make it known, if only.

2006-03-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

My thoughts are presently in a maelstrom, swirling like a big mass. It's hard trying to think about everything at one time, 'cause sometimes, it's really just too much. At one go, at least. That's what we all try to do, right? Ever tried taming a hurricane? Try harder.

This week has been delightfully eventful. For the first time in a long *long* while, I actually felt like I had a purpose - a life outside the textbooks. That I'm not confined to the A levels, to my waves of tutorials and to well...everything that school is about. I managed to spend an overnight chalet interacting with people who've dropped out of school. Most of the people were from hwachong though! So it didn't really make sense since we bunched up together almost instantly. ("senior-junior interaction". hurhur.) Almost all the hwachong people were again from the choir...and we spent a good part of the camp singing when we were walking from the beach back to the chalet and from the chalet back to the beach - times 154729 times. Do the maths and you'll realised we sang about 154729 times as well! Ok, maybe 154730, including the performance on the first night. Ha. I shared the room with Nicole and Shaoning - good fun. For the good half of the camp, we were devising ingenious ways to slack off.

Yesterday, I attended the workshop for Youth for Causes! Yay. I'm proud to say that I'm really excited about the whole CIP project since we get to organise it ourselves. We have a pretty good shot at getting selected (read : 1 in 2.5)...so I'm hoping my group will be able to pull things off.

In an effort to become a more well-rounded individual (*coughs*), I've decided to take up tennis lessons. Yes yes.

Playing Utada Hikaru's "First Love" on the piano. It's a lovely rendition. Admire the arranger loads.

Bought a new calculator today. That deserves a headline, for sure! I was pretty sentimental about my old calculator since I've used it for a good 6 years now. It's the calculator that helped me achieve A1s in both E maths and A maths! How can I forget it? *sobs* Most unfortunately, my calculator had to choose an inconvenient time to die (on me). I was ploughing through vectors in the maths block test papers and I was trying to calculate what's 25 minus 16 (yes, I'm incorrigibly lazy.) and the screen just blanked out. Often, when I press the reset button at the back, it hops back into life, but this time, it stayed just that - blank. Not even a flicker of the "ERROR" sign on the screen. Pronounced dead. So I hurriedly rushed to good ol' Northpoint to grab myself a new calculator. Somehow, I felt guilty about "betraying" my old calculator as I was choosing the new one, much like how one betrays his spouse...I'm odd, ain't I? Never mind that. Bottomline is, I'm totally infatuated with my new calculator. Spurred me on to do more maths sums (ok, that sounds wrong as well. vaguely psychotic statement.) WOOHOO. All hail the new calculator.

Right.

After all that rabid fan-like raving about my new found love, I'm off to study National Income Accounting! (see note)

NB: That "!" was a faint attempt at trying to sound enthused by the whole notion of calculating GDP, NI and all the thingamajits.

come saturday.

2006-03-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

listening to: breathe.

You know how some songs just seem to touch you the first time you hear them? This is one of them and it's...just difficult for me to accept who I am or what I'm doing after hearing it. I wish I knew what I was doing, or doing for, for that matter. Never mind if I don't make sense amidst all that mumbo-jumbo. I don't even make sense to myself most of the time.

GP exam was eventful. Spent the whole time trying to fit all that I read the day before the exam into "categories" and "examples". Hm. I think I didn't do very well for the essay, considering the fact that I didn't challenge the assumption in the question. I tried very hard to give a good range of examples to substantiate my points though! Am hoping against all odds that my effort will pay off!

"I knew you guys would do that question!"

oh-kay.

Writing here sometimes is very hard. I try to self censor. Even after all that censoring that goes on around me. Is it even true that as we become more educated, we are sort of free-er in that sense? My first instinctive response was "hell, no!" but let's be more rational than that, shall we? heh.

I love reading blogs that make me feel as if there's this really interesting person on the other side that I'm dying to meet. One of them is on my opendiary networks. He doesn't write in a pretentious manner and everything seems so...sincere. So heartfelt. It's as if he's really jotting down what he thinks about stuff around him, be it his performances at school or his everyday life in Boston, no less. He's an undergraduate studying at Berklee College of Music. Wow. I admire his bravery. Much as I love music to bits, I don't think I can ever muster the courage to do a major in music. Perhaps that explains why as I listened to his podcast about his preparation for his proficiency exam in guitar for the semester, I felt so sad inside because...it's something I desperate want to experience for myself - that anxiety before the exam, that devotion to what you believe in, that commitment to the development of your inner self, that musical side to everyone. And you know what the weirdest thing about the whole thing was? I had that sudden impulse to want to talk to him, about everything he's doing. Granted I can do that over the internet...but there's something that a face to face conversation can do that one over the plain computer screen cannot do, you get what I mean?

I'm quite happy where I am now. I'm just afraid of whether I'll ever lose this side of me to think hard about things about me when I grow up, lost in the never-ending rat race to earn the Big Million. I see adults about me who are contented to take things at face value and I choose not to believe that they choose to do so, but they do it because they don't have time to ponder about it?

Stop thinking so much. I should do more maths. Yes, more structured maths.

of work and life.

2006-03-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

You realise there's something seriously wrong with your life when all you do on Sunday is to finish up that wave of tutorials that threatens to flood you all day. And yet, I console myself by saying that the block tests are in two weeks time and that I should be pulling up my rotten socks by now if I want to salvage myself before then. Is every week "pre-block test" week, then?

***

Chem S today went...blazingly fast. Mr Loy apparently made no attempt to even call upon any hapless victim to answer the questions, so we managed to finish all 5 questions in the tutorial in 1 h 45 min! Yay. I managed to catch most of what he was saying. For the good part, I spent time thinking about where I went wrong in my working because some of my answers were so close to his that I felt like crying because I burnt my whole Sunday afternoon solving those questions that overwork my synapses. Sheesh!

Guess what. I have ten chem S questions to do! And by 10th April to boot! Four of which I have to hand in on the last day of the block test. There's absolutely no way of snaking out of this one, since Mr PPC (*gulps*) is taking the next chem S tutorial. Hohoho.

***

Keep focussed and stop losing sight of your goals, dammit!

s'il suffisait qu'on s'aime.

2006-03-03T22:32:00.000+08:00

Friday again. HURRAH. It's been a great week, what with halfdayonthursday, nospapers, amazingpelesson, greatchoirpractices and even BETTER news.

Scored A1 for French AO! Christl and I were fretting like crazy over the results and I could hardly keep the compulsion to dash out of the classroom at 2 o'clock sharp to receive my results! Yes yes yes! One distinction down.

Am up for the MP attachment programme too! Yayyers. But compared to the rest of the brilliant people in the programme with even more impressive CVs (almost a third of them are councillors I think. And it's like the prerogative of a councillor to get a really good CV and the end of two years. blah.), I am nothing. Seriously. Just gotta start beefing up my CV with SAT and DELF B2.

DELF is a pain in the neck. It's so difficult I think I'll just turn my brain inside out trying to decipher the passages. They are about 800 to 1000 words long. In french. And I've to digest it in 10 minutes and be prepared to argue my stand on the issue. Yay. Good ol' fun.

***

e: somehow, I like that chord a lot. so basses, you guys have to anchor that chord well.
me: yeah. it gives him pleasure.
k: ha. oral orgasm I think.
me: ...
k: I meant a-u-r-a-l. Not o-r-a-l.
me: would not have told the difference unless you said so.

Sheesh. Horny people are all over the choir.

Should I really be unhappy?

2006-02-28T22:26:00.000+08:00

Lately, that's a question that I've been pondering about - one reason which has kept me from blogging here, 'cause I don't want to talk crap here and sound stupid or anything.

Am I really unhappy? Do I even have the right to declare myself unhappy? Especially when my problems seem so trite in comparison to others?

Yes, shit happens. That's a universal fact. It's even in accordance to Murphy's Law! A law, no less! Just like how I was sent out of class (!!) the other day for not doing my transport in mammals review. Aside the humiliation of having to walk out of the laboratory with my notes and pencil case in hand, I think it spoke more about how responsible I am. That really spoilt my day...even though I was too proud to admit it to Tiffany when she asked me why I said "monday really sucks". As if that needed explanation in the first place, lol.

Digressed again. Same ol' me. Point being, this "shit" that happens isn't anything that is causing me extreme pain or agony, not exerting much stress on me...and yet I enjoy whining about it? Each time I whine, it's one of those "hey, I shouldn't be saying that" moments. Things you regret saying the moment you say them. Really. Yes, given that such reminders should help theoretically and that the number of times I use the word "shit" should diminish at an exponential rate (shit, I didn't do my tutorials. Shit, we have PE tomorrow. Shit...oh bother!), but it's not really helping as much as I thought it be. I just end up being a grumpy ol' bugger, whinging away. ARGH. I need someone to stop me. Punish me or something. Negative reinforcement seems to work for me. Cue Skinner.

I like what I'm doing. I enjoy singing, though not exactly the hours. I enjoy my subjects. Even maths is showing signs of "do-ability"! I'm curious about things happening around me. I love the way I'm thinking more maturely now...even though my GP grades are still faaaaar from stellar. I'm doing S papers that I like. I have time to practise on the piano, though I totally suck balls at it. Mozart rolls in his grave as I play his sonatas, I assure you. I'm even going to learn how to play tennis, at long last! So much to be thankful for, even amidst the "shit" that piles up from time to time. Yes, it's a good day.

My school is full of peculiarities, some of which never fail to amaze me. Just yesterday, we had "Yoghurt Day", whatever its significance is. Halfway through econs tutorial while our class was engaging in -relatively- active discussion about how governments can seek to increase invesment (oooooo! i hear non-econs people going wow already. heh.) in a country, Mr PPC (another econs allusion, all you non-econs people!) annouced over the PA system that all CT reps were to assemble in the General Office at once. Like hello??? There are 50 of them I think, all trying to squeeze into that miserable General Office? Even my tutor was amused! And when kaiqian came back with a box of yoghurt, you can tell that half the class was suspecting that it was a sinister ploy to get rid of yoghurt that is about to expire by feeding it to hapless students like us. Evil, evil, evil. Ha. Just kidding. I drank the yoghurt anyway. It didn't come with a spoon.

The chairs in the cafe (which happens to be called "Good News" cafe. very paradoxical, given the prices of the food and the rather run down state of the cafe...) are rotten. Broken arm rests and even an unstable seat! SHEESH. I can't believe students, who can do advanced integration and organic chemistry, can't even take care of CHAIRS. We're not even talking about pet hamsters who die mysterious deaths. Just non-living, stationary, hardly attractive...well, chairs. How befuddling. And there's the broken taps as well. As in, sinks that break along with the taps. Our school should come up with a tabloid paper for such stuff.

"Sink in boys toilet break again."

In view of how frequent this could occur, I don't even think it'll make the headlines.

Yay! My group for Youth for Causes is off to a good start. Hope we'll get shortlisted for the project.

MP attachment thing is pending. I have no idea whether I'm selected or not. Chances are, it's the latter case. Shit happens, shit happens.

Managed to complete (or so I presume, considering the BLANKS. oh darn the blanks.) S maths tutorial today! One down.

Confessions of a different kind.

2006-02-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

After having fought the Evils of Maths S and Chem S over the past few days, I'm completely exhausted! It wrecks my mind everytime I have to solve a 10 mark Maths S question...just because they're waaaay outta my league. I feel intimidated sitting beside brilliant people during the lectures. SHEESH.

Just as running a marathon is exhausting, so is taking the A levels. OK. That was just to test out one of the new sentence structures that I learnt. Right. Felt good.

Sigh. Will talk more tomorrow. Busy registering for SATs now. And golly! There are like 20 pages before I even get to choose my test centre!

A piece from a puzzle.

2006-02-15T15:50:00.000+08:00

Ok, got tagged by tiffany (!!) to do a quiz thingy about what I look out for in a mate. HM. That came at quite an appropriate moment considering yesterday was valentine's day. Here goes nothing!

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Need to mention the sex of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post.

gender: female

1) Must be mature - I just can't bloody stand girls who act cute the whole day! It really gets on my nerves. RAWR. That being said, I don't want to have a nerd as a girlfriend as well...by mature, I mean...able to connect with me on an intellectual level? And able to form opinions for herself? *nods*

2) Must like music - AMEN. 'Nuff said. It doesn't have to be classical music, though! If she can appreciate the works of famous composers...well, more brownie points for her I guess!

3) Must be shorter than me - I won't be able to stand the way she deflates my ego exponentially by the second when she stands next to me. This is a limiting factor (*coughs*bio*coughs*), since I haven't even reached The Great 170cm.

4) Trust me to not ask me where I went and who I'm with every single flippin' second. I don't need a mum for a girlfriend!

5) Be eloquent. Nothing beats having to talk about banal topics while I search frantically for the next topic to talk about since she only gives monosyllabic answers.

"So, what do you like to do?"
"Read."
"Read what?"
"Novels."

Am I trying too hard? That qualifies as a rhetorical question.

6) Be fluent in English. I -cannot- stand people who hem and haw in English...well, I can take that if that person is a friend, but as a mate...let's just say it'll be less grating on the ears if she can speak fluently in English. No excessive "lahs" and "lohs", please. There! "Excessive" is a caveat already! =)

7) I have a soft spot for people who can sing. But that isn't essential. Again, bonus points go a girl who can sing! Then she can sing with me! *sniggers*

8) Someone who brings the best out of me. Yeah, that's mighty important for me, I suppose. What use is a relationship if both parties are trying to make the other feel as bad as they can be?
Ok, that wasn't hard. PHEW.

Valentine's Day was as usual. Same ol', same ol'. Just grumpy lil' me off in a silly S maths lecture. lol.

I can't believe I thought Sarah was my angel! SHEEEEESH.

My thoughts are sporadic today. Hm. Synapses malfunctioning. Do more work, do more work! My mantra for the week.

Till the weekends!

Melancholic?

2006-02-11T14:19:00.000+08:00

Ever felt melancholic all of a sudden? And then all over the moon the next?

Sigh. Lately, that's how I've been feeling for the past few weeks. I know, I know. I've resigned to the whole thing about the class, but it still gets to me.

"I thought you were way above that already."

Yeah, I thought so too.

***

The J1s received their O level results yesterday. Hope they all did alright!

In need of a haircut. And a good talk.

The quiet time for simplicity.

2006-02-05T22:24:00.000+08:00

So much has happened over the past two weeks and yet I've only overcome the self-consuming inertia to not blog only now. Says quite a lot, me thinks.

Let's see now...One of the highlights would definitely be that I watched "Memoirs of a Geisha"! The ticket only set me back by 5 dollars, so I didn't really mind. Afterall, I watched the trailer of the movie once on the AXN channel and was instantly hooked by how cinematic the whole movie was. And it's true, especially since the movie was produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by what's his name again. The movie left much food for thought...about the role of women, the definition of a geisha and how one should perceive a geisha. I'm convinced that they aren't just prostitutes. I didn't think of them that way in the first place...To have to have sell your own body takes more than just choice, I think. It could be how circumstances were that somehow forced one into the decision. Like how Chiyo was sold to the Japanese gentleman. Pardon even the use of the word "gentleman", sigh.

I managed to have dinner with Amy, Lois and Eunice at Junction 8. Yes yes, much needed conversation. I learnt a lot about them, but to a certain extent, I was dismayed by the fact that she didn't confide in us something else that happened that I know of. The lack of trust? Which then begs the question of "why?". Sometimes, I'd rather not know. The dinner was great nonetheless - sushi, green tea (which we didn't know we had to pay a dollar for...) and even better company.

Fridays are generally rather dreadful, if only because of PE. I know, I hate to whine about things that I have no control over, especially one as distressing as PE. I've never been exceptionally athletic, what with Christl joking over the fact that what my classmate said about me wearing contacts for the sake of sports being the greatest joke of the century. Nevertheless, I enjoy running, very much. In a weird...and well, sadistic sense. I like the feeling of adrenalin rushing through the veins, even as I experience the slight discomfort in my tummy (ooer! not good.) and also the way I have to push myself to the limit each time I run along the "victory road" - so termed because it marks the end of the gruelling run. Oh yes. That's the toughest part, most ironically. I feel most tempted to give up there! Sheesh. That's when all the "get moving! get moving!" comes in. Love the feeling at the end of the run. And I did 5 pullups! In a row! That's a huuuuuge achievement for me. Call it self-induced peer pressure. Ha. Whatever.

Weekends have been great. Didn't do any work till today, which resulted in the wrist-breaking 3 hour sessions of tutorials. Wicked wicked tutorials.

The saddest thing about the dinner - only one *rather poorly taken* picture. SIGHHH.

Of random thoughts

2006-01-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

This week has been great. And I hope it stays this way for the rest of the year.

Let's see now...

No PE? Check!

No 4pm day on Friday? Check!

5 day holiday in sight? Check!

"Memoirs of a Geisha" movie on Friday? Check!

Endless mahjong games just around the corner? Check, amen!

I can't help beaming over all that has happened this week. Two days down and less than two more before we're temporarily released from the fetters of school and all the neverending stacks of tutorials for 4 and half a days! Cue "WOOZA!". CUE! *leaps around the room*

That being said, of course there were days where I had some crappy classes. But oh well, details, details, details - who needs them? Especially when it pertains to issues such as tutorials held in a deadened atmosphere and where both the "searcher" and the "expert"(Plato might kill me on this one...) can't be bothered about whatever is going on in the lesson. SIGH. GP lessons, on the other hand, have been surprisingly fun and thought provoking! Woot. In fact, most of the stuff we're covering now, such as the anatomy of the heart for biology, the workings on the national economy for *obviously* economics and applications of differential equations for maths are pretty pleasing topics, I must admit. Amidst all the trudging from one classroom to the other and whining needlessly about the banal tutorials, I can't deny the fact that I actually enjoy learning. Yay! Rousseau will be proud of me, even though I'm dictated to learn instead of me making inferences for myself. GP lessons should touch more on philosophy, it's so much fun. It really redefines how you think about certain issues about you and how you think about how you perceive the world. Sure, I don't really agree with everything the philosophers have said, but at least I take what I want and I integrate it into my thinking, I suppose. Tons better than going through endless questions (*coughs*chem s*coughs*) and just revising really lame stuff.

J1s in the choir are extremely promising. I can already hear the potential in them. It's hardly surprising given that most of them already have received choral training and they have good voices, but they still need to work on the pitch. That can be fixed with time. I just wish I had the right placement for my voice! Placement is crucial in singing because it determines a lot about the tone of your voice and how it works. I was told once that some people can spend years looking for the right placement while others, such as the juniors(!!), can find it in much less time. Lucky bastards. RAWR. I have been working on it for so long and it's tiring and demoralising trying (almost in vain) to find that Holy Grail - the placement, which inevitably means, the voice.

Will be meeting up with ex-church friends to have dinner soon! I can't wait. It's always nice to catch up and talk about church stuff and just basically pig out for a day. To do it in good company just adds to the fun.

Looking forward to "Memoirs of a Geisha" on Friday! *hops about in utter excitement* I've been dying to watch the show ever since I caught the trailer on AXN the other day. Zhang Ziyi is drop dead gorgeous - you can quote me on this one. Yes yes. And people, stop gushing over Gong Li and claim that she's prettier than Zhang Ziyi, alright? Sheesh!

The mugger in me?

2006-01-22T13:48:00.000+08:00

Yay! We have received our 16PF test results! It's just one of those really standard psychometric tests that we were required to sit for last year. I'm just glad that I didn't turn out to be freak, according to the test results. Some of the test results pointed to things frightfully true, like how I'm so serious and all and how I tend to prefer working by myself. I wish I didn't though...It's always good to be a team player, but somehow, I prefer feeling in control of what happens around me. Call it self-reliant or reclusive, whatever.

My brother was hospitalised yesterday, apparently after he fell off his bike while cycling along the road just outside Seletaris. Really, he should take better care of himself! Now, he's covered in bruises and abrasions. While there aren't any serious fractures, but that ought to teach him a lesson or two about wearing a helmet, albeit a fugly one, out when he goes biking. Ha! I should take a picture of him in his clothes there. It's kinda funny how 'cause he's been admitted into the kids ward where everyone else in the other wards are all infants...so he's like the oldest one there. There are even pictures of teddy bears on his clothes! Both front and back to boot. Haha...even for him to stop and gasp when he saw them. Heh.

Now that's what I call a vending machine!

I finally finished those 5 questions of chemistry "S". Sheesh. One question is worth 20 marks...so even if it's 20 marks worth of mole concept, it takes up a huge chunk of my afternoon.

Shu and I just talked about whether it's more important to study law/med here or get a scholarship and study abroad. Yes, recently, I've been torn between the two and I've been giving both issues serious thought. As I said, I should only concentrate on working hard so that I achieve good enough results to even enter the interview room! Haha...So for now, I'm just aiming...and seeing what comes about later on.

Linxin, Joce, Edmund and I have started to meet up every Friday to have a little fellowship together. It's a fantastic idea, really, especially in the view of how I've been drifting further and further away from God. It's not the first time that I've been pondering over the issue of religion and where it's leading me. No, I haven't become so distant from God that I don't pray anymore, but I don't see the point of going to church anymore, as compared to staying home and recouping my sleep debt. ARRRGH. It's grating on the nerves.

Should scoot to get my stationery and chrysanthemum(!!) flower for bio prac tomorrow.

***

One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday.

When will the week come to an end?

2006-01-17T21:44:00.000+08:00

I know, I know.

I live for the weekends, alright? I don't hate the lessons or what, since I can feel myself still learning something and not wasting my time in school doing inane stuff like Project Work. Thank God time has put an end to that frustrating and time-sapping SOB. Phew. Now just gotta wait for the weekends. And for that grade for PW.

PE lessons have been boring lately. Aside from the fact that guys are supposed to do as many limb-breaking pullups as possible, we run. And run. And...well, run. One round around the Chinese High if you're having a one period PE, two rounds if you're having two. 3 periods in a row, well, good luck. HAHA! My poor friend was so tired she could hardly walk after the third period of PE. Heh.

It's suddenly hit me how close to reality I am from where I stand now. It's one of those epiphanies whereby you go "hey, where on earth am I going to go from here?" Yes, there's the painful reminder of the slogging in the army, but after that? What course in university? Which university?

I know most of the answers to those questions hinge on the A level exam...THE most important exam. If you thought O level was tough, wait till you see the big mama that awaits you after two years. It's a whole new playing field, to quote my chemistry teacher. Riiiiiight. Like most of us really need the reminder that the A levels are really important and can't be further emphasised. It's hard having to take that all in, the fact that after A levels, we're going to leave hwachong - for greener pastures, I hope. Not that hwachong has been bad, but you get the drift. For the guys, well, it's the army! *orgasmic squeals* I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you I'm not anxious about all that belies all the posters that advertise for the army.

The double honours programme in Econs and Law sounds really good. Ha. But you gotta be kidding! I can't do law! It's for the "to be or not to be" humanities students!

Another day down. YES. Completed my work for the day, so I think I deserve another early night. Cheap compensation for my effort. Like I can reward myself any other way without hurting myself. Yeah. *rolls eyes*

Counting my blessings

2006-01-15T15:07:00.000+08:00

Having spent the whole morning doing my National Income Accounting tutorial really is frustrating. GDP, GNP, NI...and a whole lot more acronyms! Economists really dig them, I tell you.

Lately, life has been good, unless one considers those -rather- exhausting PE lessons. Sigh. To look at it from the bright side, it builds up one's stamina blah blah blah, in preparation for the NAPFA test...more blahs...But hell, it really sucks. Now will someone please remind me that it's going to be at least ten times worse in the army *coughs and sputters at the sight of the word* and that I should be counting my blessings now? Yes, I should. Hearing about all the tales about NS is really unnerving.

I managed to meet up with Judith the other day to have a short talk about what's going on in our lives and whatnot. Taking 3 CCAs is definitely not fun. Not when there are teachers pulling you apart in all directions asking for work to be done! Although choir has been largely stressful, I think I still derive joy from it...singing with friends and just enjoying their company. Sure, we get tied down with competitions and the time contraints, but it's...different. In RV, we had the luxury of time to learn songs...and pretty fun ones at that! Les miserables, phantom of the opera, magnificat and loads more. But in jc, everyone's rushing for time. That's when the stress starts to pile up, I guess. And singing's no easy feat! GRRR. I hate it when people assume that we just have a whale of a time in the AVA room, having it easy.

Have I changed a lot? That's something I have to think about, I guess. It's always a topic that appears in every conversation with an ol' friend and I've come to think that people always view changes as bad. Subconsciously, we're always trying to project how we perceived our friend in the past and trying in vain to conserve that "sweet" memory that we somehow overlook the changes in them? I'd like to think that most people become better with time (just like how wine does...though I can't really vouch for that!) but ho hum. Shan't comment about that.

To be a better man. Yes.

Changing focus?

2006-01-08T17:05:00.000+08:00

Sharing a room with my brother can be highly infuriating at times. He can be such an ogre and I hate myself for condoning and giving in to some of his peculiar habits. RAWR. I know, some of you are going to preach to me about how I should love my brother and the whole 孔融让梨 (sic?) story, but if you haven't lived with this horrible room mate for a day (he sleeps at 2am!!! With the lights fully on! Talk about spotlights. I feel like a celebrity already), you haven't seen half of what he can do yet. So. For now, I'm just going to calm down...and do weird breathing exercises (cue Christl!) to appease my brewing anger. ROAAAAAR.

The weekends have been productive. Somehow or another, there came a time when I realised it's important to rate my weekend on a scale of one to ten, in terms of productivity and amount of time spent to tend to those highly strung nerves during the weekdays. It's mechanical, but...necessary. Hm, let's see now. I managed to finish the whole of integration tutorial 3 without much as a stumble, I wrapped up my brand new chemistry textbook, I packed up and sorted out my iTunes song library and I practised the item for wednesday together with my choir friends! That deserves a big woozah already!

Digressing a little, Christl and I had yet another good talk the other as I was coming back from the song practice. As usual, we whined (yes, quite often!) about our work and our commitments and how the juggling is going to kill us this year. Reached this topic about how we're going to achieve the best possible results for the A levels (read: 4As. 2 distinctions not really, but would be good. lol.)...and we agreed that it's a melange of hard work and perseverance. Perseverance! Ha. Tell me about it. I can already start to feel the heat from the first week of school! Boo. All the teachers are reminding us how important it is to start right from the first week and do constant revision. I want to know the notes at the back of my hand but where on the flippin' earth am I going to find the time??? Searched high and low, but haven't arrived at a good timetable. I figured if I managed to finish my tutorials for the week during the weekends, then perhaps I can squeeze in a tiny hour of revision after school everyday. Especially after those long choir days. Sheesh. God knows how fatigued I am after 8pm! I can hardly keep my eyes open!

Sigh. The prelude has started. I've a bad feeling that it's going to be a mad rush from now on...so I'm glad I treasured the time I had during the holidays. Haha...

Anyway, I'm off to a good start to my resolutions! For one, I'll be running every week (I hope!) with Christl from now on to train up for NAPFA. Yes, I know. Christl is a girl. But hey, she's very fit, ok? She runs faster than me!! Sheesh. OK. Concrete goals. Faster than 12 minutes for NAPFA. Yes yes.

***

The rain does funny things to me. Makes me really sleepy.

I'm totally random.

First thoughts of the first week.

2006-01-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

Yes, 2005 is over. It's time to welcome the new year. For some mysterious reason, I wasn't exactly looking forward to the new year, despite all the talking I did with Christl the other day about how we should prepare ourselves for it.

Stress levels have reached an all-time high. Just last tuesday, I was uptight about the two tests that were on the following day and about the fact that I didn't have enough pants to wear because so many of them had stains nearer the ends which are hard to remove. I keep telling myself and reminding oh-so-forgetful me that I shouldn't be sweating the small stuff. That not all tests are worth mugging as hard for as the promos. And that I should be seeing things as they come along. Looks like I need more reminding. The tests per se did go ok, but I wish I had handled the stress better. It's my "final" year in school before I'm thrown out into the jungle to fend for myself and it's going to be tough.

I'll be doing a short publicity stint, just a short chorus of a song in fact, in front of the college one students in an attempt to convince them to join choir. A test of faith, indeed.

"It's just another performance. It's just another perfomance."

***

I love my subjects to bits. But sometimes, I can't help but feel threatened by maths. It creeps up on you like no other subject does because there's always this subconcious Loss Of Memory when it comes to maths. I'm not afflicted in this horrible manner with other subjects, but maths, well, simply put, I can't remember how to do sums I just studied a few months back! This calls for Urgent Attention. Not forgetting the fact that I have some undone maths tutorials that need to be completed over the weekends.

Ah. The weekends. Bless them.

I live for the weekends.

A fresh slate.

2006-01-02T23:02:00.000+08:00

Or not.

It's wonderful how fantastic the new year feels. In fact, it was double kill for me this year because I managed to spend the last few hours of 2005 (oh, I'm getting all nostalgic again!) with my friends from the french immersion programme. Anrong was kind enough to book a suite from Swissotel Merchant Court. Imagine! A suite! It was gigan-tous! We walked from the hotel to Clarke Quay, to the Esplanade, to City Hall mrt station and then finally to the Padang to watch the fireworks from right behind the Esplanade. The fireworks were brilliant...and I was wondering how we always accord fireworks with celebration and jollification. But is it? *shrugs* A new start to an even tougher journey ahead. Tires me even to think of it. The "Yay"-levels, the endless stream of work, the stress, the commitments and of course flippin' NS at the end of it all. All that and...

Why should I even bother counting my eggs before they hatch? Good point.

Overall, 2005 has been a great year for me. Even better when it ended with all my new found friends in the immersion programme. I love you guys. It's amazing how close we are just right after 3 weeks, no? =)

***

It's fitting to come up with resolutions for the new year. Christl and I were just chatting about resolutions for the new year the other day, and she was saying how she made a long list of things she'd do for the new year before the list disappears into the abyss in her cupboard, never to be seen again. Hm. That's not very much of a use, right? I suppose if I blogged it here, I'd be reminded better. Yes.

Top Ten Resolutions for 2006

1* Train everyday in preparation for NAPFA. Oh Lord, you know I've got to get a silver this year!

2* Pass the *bleep* NAPFA with a silver.

3* Guard my tongue more. If you've got nothing nice to say, it's better just to keep your mouth shut. That's something I've realised.

4* Try not to be someone I'm not. Thanks for the reminder from friends around me. =)

5* Strive for 4 "A"s at the looming A levels. RAWR. Going to be a tough one.

6* Keep in contact with the people around me. Stop being a freakin' hermit, Sean!

7* Practise the piano more often and attain a reasonable standard for some of the diploma pieces.

8* Speak more french. Write more french. Read more french. I seriously don't want to lose all that I've learnt after 5 arduous years at the MOELC.

9* Pick up the guitar. I've heard it's rather easy to learn the guitar...But now I just have to figure out a way to get those strings which are caked in dust in tune. Hm...

10* Do my QT more regularly. Yes. I must.

Now now. All in place.

***

I feel like I'm ready for school, but I'm not exactly enjoying it. But it's enough to be ready, no? =)

Hang in there, all you brave comrades! The first public holiday is just around the corner!

Almost apposite.

2005-12-29T14:53:00.000+08:00

The post Christmas week usually strikes me hard. Like real hard. I get all pensive about the year...And I get more pensive about my work too! Not so much last year, but especially this year.

As of late, I've been hopelessly addicted to Maplestory. I just want to play it every single waking moment! Damn it. And not forgetting that I have a whole list of work to complete. Not too encouraging. Still, I can't seem to beat that compulsive gamer in me.

"Hey, it's high time you start to work on those damn DRQs."

"Right. Damn the DRQs."

"Get going!"

"Who cares. Maplestory first. Gotta get to that next level."

Those conversations with myself really happen in my head. I'm not kidding. It's rather puzzling how I can become such an addict like..overnight? Blame my sister. She's the one who's always harping on and on about the new equipment that she found when she hunted those oh-so-scary mushrooms. Sheesh. And now I can't get myself off those damned mushrooms as well. RAWR.

***

"Is your shirt glow-in-the-dark?"

"Hm...when you wash it in water, it goes all sparkly. It's really special and nice, you know."

*long pause*

"So that's a no?"

***

Absolutely classic.

Christmas is coming!

2005-12-22T11:12:00.000+08:00

Ding dong merrily on high, the christmas bells are ringing!
Ding dong heav'n and earth reply, with angel voices singing!

Christmas is coming once again, and I'm inundated by my countless carolling duties at Conrand Hotel and Fullerton Hotel. Well, most of it is at Conrad Hotel, which didn't exactly surprise me because of the disparity in standards between the seniors and us. =) Still, I'm glad I get to perform at these two places because it's mighty mighty posh!! Yippee. Carolled once yesterday at Conrad and it wasn't too bad. The bass one beside me was very strong in singing so it proved as a check for my technique. Sigh. Still working on it.

After the good carolling session, I went out with Eu for dinner again! Yay. It's so nice to go out with her because we click so well! =)

At this juncture, I thought that I should make at least a mild allusion to my trip in France. Those were the best 25 days in this entire year. Never have I felt so free...and partially it's due to the 16000km separating me and my problems here. Call it escapism or whatever, but I think I really enjoyed the trip a lot because I didn't feel like my problems were creeping up on me every single second and I wasn't thinking about how to survive each day, how to complete all the tutorials in time, how to forge stronger relationships with the people around me. It was liberation. Again. I've learnt a lot about myself throughout this entire trip, most of it from talking to Christl. She's an amazing person to talk to 'cause she's so mature and it's very interesting to see some issues from her perspective. Although I didn't experience any sudden life-changing epiphanies like she did, I'm glad I conversed a lot with her 'cause it put a lot of things into perspective. =)

Not forgetting the fact that I improved my french a lot! Yay. Most satisfying was watching Beauty and the Beast (La Belle et la Bete) in french and understanding almost all of it, save for the songs! Sigh. I'll never forget the ballroom scene. I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in french as well, much to my dismay at first, but I managed to understand only about 70% of it at max. Lost the nuances in the dialogues and whatnot. Sheesh.

I think I'll just let -some- of my pictures tell the story. =) Enjoy.

The rest of the pictures are here! =)) Please go and view them 'cause they're really pretty. And I spent a lot of time typing the bloody captions. LOL!

[edit] Because this entry is extremely, profoundly backlogged, I'd just like to add that I had a great time carolling with you guys, the HC Voices and the J2s! It has been a fantastic time. Although I didn't do everything correctly (like clapping when I'm supposed to snap! gee.), I think it was still a good performance overall because everyone tried their best! Yay.

Now for more schoolwork. Biology beckons! =) Cheers to all. And merry christmas. Erm, a day late. [/edit]

Quick newsflash!

2005-12-04T17:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, my second week in France is drawing to a close and I'm feeling this sudden need to blog something before my blog becomes dead-er than a dead rat.

Allllllll-right. I think there has been so many things that I've done over the past two weeks that I can hardly find a place to start with! France has been amazing so far. And I do mean AMAZING. It's just like what I imagined it to be! I'm proud to announce that I'm more fluent in the language already. Ha! Ok, not fluent fluent, but at least more proficient in my oral skills as compared to before I came here. I can only wish that I've done this before my oral exam! Sigh.

Anyway, I drank a lot of alcohol yesterday, when it was my birthday. Sheesh. Four cups of red/white/rose wine, two cups of champagne as the l'apéritif, another cup of red wine at dinner and of course, another cup of white wine to end of at a bar. ARGH! I was surprised I could still walk straight right after the last cup of wine. Of course, this is excluding the many many sips of other people's wines at the bar, with names like Kamikaze(!!). Oooof!

I'd like to take this grand oppurtunity to thank all the people who wished me happy birthday in one way or another...

Mum for calling me so early in morning to wish me happy birthday over the phone. Never mind the fact that at dinner, we were all laughing at Mme Evrard's English. Hahaha...Love you loads.

Eunice (aka shu) for wishing me happy birthday over an email! I love you loads. Thanks for bringing me back to Christ and for being such a great friend and buddy over the past few years, since our toot choir days in RV when I was still a bloody alto. Lol! Hope you don't strangle the kids in Sunday school for their short attention span! Hehe.

Mavis, Lin, Zhirui and Xingqun for wishing me happy birthday and singing an online birthday song through MSN for me!

Judith for sending me that very sweet sms at midnight! At least in Singapore! I received it at about 8pm before I attended the rock concert and it really touched my heart. =D Thanks a bunch.

Pamela for remembering my birthday and sending me that sms! Seriously, I'm very surprised you remembered my birthday! =) Thanks a lot all the same and see you at the 4c gathering!

Wanjun (if you'd allow me to call you that!) for that very nice sms too! I didn't expect one from you too, but I was pleasantly surprised. Thanks!

Yuhui and gang for that very *erm*....interesting toy from Kinder Bueno. Ok. =)

Xinyu for that sms too! Thanks for remembering my birthday! =) God bless too. We should meet up soon too! It's been a long time.

Michelle (omgomgomg!) for sending my that happy birthday sms too! GEE! It's really sweet of you to remember. How did you manage to know that it's my birthday anyway? Gahahaha. Thanks. Really cracked me up. =D

Anrong for being so nice to offer to buy me the first thing that I wanted to buy for the day...Even though there really was nothing to buy because we were in school. Lol! Thanks all the same!

Victor (my correspondant over here...) and his family for giving me that wonderful book about Bordeaux, which thank Heavens I didn't buy, and for that wonderful dinner. Not forgetting all the drinks that I got yesterday. Lol. Didn't get drunk though, so it was an experience!

And not forgetting Christl(!!) for giving me that card, which was really sweet of you (Christl, duh). You're undoubtedly one of my closest friends in the immersion programme and in french class and I'm so glad I can share this experience with you (although it would have been a BLAST if Bryan and Georgia were here too!). Thanks so much for everything and do enjoy yourself in the campagne! Haha...Grosses bisous à toi! =)

Thanks one and all for everything once again. Made my day in one way or another. =)

[disclaimer: the people listed over here are not in any particular order, although Christl was left deliberately to the last because she was the first one to give a present. Heh. And that's only because she's in France too. Just kidding, Christl!]

Indulge yourself today.

2005-11-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

It's worth it to indulge yourself. Trust me. That's what I've been doing for the past few days - on end. WOOT.

Went out with amanda, lois, shuxian and amy the other day right after my class chalet on tuesday. I was mighty bushed after spending the whole night cycling around East Coast Park, drinking ice cold latte from Macs (which tasted quite frankly, like crap.) and playing mahjong with my classmates, albeit only for 5 games before reality caught up with us. We were just too plain exhausted. Slept in the afternoon till 5pm and ended reaching a whole hour late for the dinner at Serene Centre! BAH. But the dinner was fantastic. I love meeting up with you guys, talking about church and about our latest happenings. Thanks for everything. =)

A very happy looking picture of the four of us, with my buddy, Shu(!!), to my right. She couldn't resist commenting that I look like a hamburger face. *rolls eyes* Insider joke.

*O Mio Babbino Caro plays in the background*

I just love that song to bits.

Oops. Digressed again. *beats myself on the head*

Again, I went out with my buddy to Orchard Road to pig out after going back to RV choir to see how well they were singing. It was actually a *shhh* secret ploy to see how they fare compared to us, as in, the hwachong jc one singers. Hm. I think they're not exactly better than us sound-wise, but at least they have no split-notes. Good Lord. My section is sooooo guilty of that, me notwithstanding. *gives myself a hard rap on the forehead* Keyword being focus. Sheesh. It's harder to sing in a choir than one might think. And oh yes, just for the record, not everyone can bloody sing like Charlotte Church or Pavarotti. Yes.

Shu, I really enjoyed going out with you that day. Thanks for confiding in me and for everything you've shared with me. Hahaha...Good friends last. Thank God. =)) Eat more fried mars bars next time, alright? =D

It's sinful, but heavenly. The fried mars bar at Chippy, basement one, Far East Plaza. Sheesh. What a shameless plug for them.

Choir has been great. Doing carols is uber fun.

Hm. Big announcement to make.

France in less than two days!!

There. Couldn't suppress that raging excitement in me. =)

I hate surprises sometimes.

2005-11-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

Performance at Chinese High for the Motherly United Nations conference today was downright horrid. I don't think we sang darn awfully, but I should think that the organisers could at least have come up with a better plan about what to do on the day itself instead of having the choir handle the drastic surprises you pull on us. GRRR. First, we had to stand on stage for a good 15 minutes before realising that there wasn't going to be a sound check and we had to stand for an additional 15 minutes looking like absolute gits on stage. As if we were the ones being punished! Talk about "unexpected surprises". *rolls eyes*

***

That being said, I actually hit the gym today! Woot! New discovery today. I can't believe how good the condo gym is. Alright, of course it pales in comparison to big scale gyms like Fitness California, but those places are more for poseurs and people who just want to pick out a hot date. C'mon! You think people'd actually pay those sky-high prices to run 15 km on the treadmill? Gee!

Worked out for one hour - all the time having the whole gym to myself!

HAHA. Suckers!

***

Gotta pack my luggage tomorrow. The nightmare unfolds!

Our Journey.

2005-11-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

Newsflash: An anonymous benefactor has just donated 100 million dollars to the Yale conservatoire of music, prompting the Dean to cancel all tuition fees for present and future students.

WHAT? 100 MILLION DOLLARS? Is that crazy or what? I'm sure all prospective music students are going to flock to Yale, especially since it's practically free now that they've got that gift that apparently dropped from nowhere. Now that's altruism for you!

Each time I receive my copy of my Our Journey, which was originally known as Our Daily Journey, I feel immensely guilty. Even though I am a church-goer, I can't be called a steadfast Christian, sadly. I look at some of my peers around me and I see how involved in their own churches and how the light of Spirit really shines through them and I'm just...ashamed at my own lackadaisical attitude. Like wth. I have to admit one reason why I don't do my QT everyday is because I'm ashamed of the things that I've done throughout the day. I feel so bad about it. And I feel as if I don't even deserve to read the Bible. Sigh. Have you ever felt that way? I really should get back to doing my QT every single day.

Opera is beautiful. The singers have such angelic voices. BAHHH. When will I be able to sing as effortlessly as them? =((

That being said, I went out with my french classmates after the french AO level written paper. The paper itself was alright, although we were all taken aback by the summary question, "If you were walking in a park, what would you do to prevent causing a fire?". That's in response to two *rather difficult* comprehension passages. Oh well. Stared at the paper for a good ten minutes before I decided to pen down whatever sentences I could string up with my limited vocabulary. Gee. I hate it when they test questions that require hard vocabulary.

Bryan, Georgia, Christl and me posing before the Christmas tree at Takashimaya! We had a great time browsing Kinokuniya for french books and linguistic books because Bryan had 50 extra dollars worth of vouchers to spend. That lucky bug. He bought like two dictionaries! Of which one, a German one, he's going to donate to the four of us to use when we learn German together next year. Danke! =)

My first ever Venetia (sic?) ice cream. I know it doesn't look awfully pleasing in this much unflattering picture, but trust me, it was heavenly! You'll never believe how rich their dark chocolate ice cream is. Worth the 2 friggin' dollars eighty cents. Every single cent of it. Yesssss.

And we've decided to go backpacking after our As or something! Although it does sound a bit crazy, we've made up our minds...for now. Hahah...we took like twenty minutes to decide on German as the language for next year. Oh well! I had a blast all the same. We should go out more often, guys! =)) And yes, I'm serious about the backpacking!

France in *drum rolls* 10 days!

In the wake of Project Work.

2005-11-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

The long awaited day has arrived - the submission of the Group Project File. Along with it marks the end of Project Work. Together now, "YESSS!" OH man. You have no idea how good it feels to be finally rid of such a huge time-sucker. Really. I can't believe I actually had to say to lie and say that "PW has been an enriching experience." Oh right. Tell me about it! Ohhhh-kay. I've learnt the importance of time management, since PW saps too much time out of the week I have no choice but to make full use of the time to play and eat and sleep and read and -

You get the drift.

I say again - PW IS OVER! (Yes, in bold, for the emphasis.)

Earlier in the afternoon, I had my french listening exam. It was relatively easier than the prelims. Then again, what's new, right? I didn't expect them to come up with such a hard passage for section two, which happens to always be a pushover. By "hard", I mean a lot of vocabulary was unknown to us. Like how on *bleep* earth do you expect us to know how to say "gums" and "plaque" in french? Hello. For the good part, it sounded like that...

First reading : "3 minutes is the maximum time one should use to brush one's teeth. If one brushes too long, it will fhsrekduhrei hehisuj ehuehdju. And also, ejidheisjdue xhewyikw. One should not djrheyudheu shduehdh of 150 ehsujejhd while brushing because..."

ohhhhh-kay. Time to perk up for the second reading. And good golly, it still sounded like -

Second reading : "3 minutes is the maximum time one should use to brush one's teeth. If one brushes too long, it will grushe oehsk jeyth. And also, keoris ehrishe ejsh. One should not xheusi ehruth of 150 jushryeh while brushing because..."

Only that the french was slightly more comprehensible the second time round. Oh, at least it sounded like french. So ho hum. Guessed the answers for the two marks on "explain why one shouldn't brush more than the recommended time." Pfsh.

However, at that moment, I was really feeling the heat already. Two marks can be a difference between A1 and A2! ARGH.

Will have to score close to full marks for tomorrow's written paper. According to statistics, it's quite possible to score insanely high marks like 50/60 for the essay, comprehension and summary combined because it's rather easy.

I hope I go

tomorrow. RAWR.

Another day of exams.

2005-11-06T20:17:00.000+08:00

Gee. The week for the AO exams has finally arrived! Rejoice all year ones, for the evils of project work are coming to an end - for good! Haha...My group's pretty well prepared for the oral presentation, having already done it 3 times without a single glitch. We should do fine tomorrow unless something really bad happens...like this irritating sore throat of mine!

French AO is scheduled on tuesday and wednesday. Can't wait for it to be over! I spent the afternoon going through some french websites in a vain attempt to practise that much rusty french of mine. Did help a little, but not a friggin' lot. ARGH. I need the same miracle I had for the prelims! Please God, let me have my A1 for french! I love french. But I'd love it more if I scored that A1. LOL.

Going shopping soon! This is blog-worthy material too, considering the fact that I hardly ever buy clothes. I'm such a miser, really! I've to get long sleeved collared shirts for the french immersion programme (!!) just in case there are formal dinners and I need a decent pair of dress pants! ARGH. I can't believe I've been living so long without one. Yesterday was my aunt's ROM and I just couldn't find a half-decent shirt to wear and ended up wearing a horrible match of clothes. Goodness knows how I ever survived it all. I just thank God that there weren't many people there in the first place. The solemnisation took place at Sentosa. OMGOMGOMGOMG. It was uber romantic, what with the thousand dollar a night villa they rented just for the solemnisation and also the wonderful arrangements my aunt's husband ( I have no idea what to call him!) made for all of us. It was just mighty smashing to be chauffered around the island for the dinner, karaoke etc. Yes. Hahaha! Must have cost a hefty sum to do all that up!

I digress.

Anyway, so from now on, my timetable's frikkin' packed with activities, yay. That's a good sign! Will update on what happens during the week and how the exams go.

Gotta scoot to write those two rédactions I promised I'd do. Really.

And the rain continued to fall.

2005-11-01T14:01:00.000+08:00

Having a stomachache on the bus really sucks. It really does. Can you even understand the pain of having to endure all that wrenching in your tummy and not one single frikkin' toilet in sight? *shudders* I'll have to stop eating weird crap in the morning. I just never seem to learn my lesson, eh?

Anyway, the past week has been great. Highlights include endless games of DotA(!!) and of course, just lazing around, reading my books. I had wanted to go for a run...but you all know what they say about having a good book and a nice cup of tea, right? Haha...

People seem to think that I don't usually play games. Hm. I do have a life, you know! Talking about that, having to do bio tutorials today is just insanely frustrating. Why must they have the mass tutorial? Gee.

On a better note, there's not going to be any more french lessons for me. I'm not even sure how I should have responded to the sms from my teacher informing me that the centre will be closed from now till the AO exam due to the GCE exams there are occuring concurrently. The feeling's bittersweet, I suppose. I can't believe I've actually slogged through (perhaps I should put it in a better light, but ho hum) 5 years of french just like that. There. All's over. And now, only the AO french exam awaits me. No Herculean feat, but I'd like to think that I should work for it. It's no pushover, that's for sure!

Many people around me are going crazy now that the exam's are over. I wish I could too, if not for the *insert suitable expletive* bio tutorials (in plural!). BLAH.

Alright. Another combined practice with NJ tomorrow. I'm sure I won't give up, but the thought of having to actually learn songs with them really sets me in fear. Afterall, they have strong singers, albeit only 3, on their side. Lord, help me.

Leaving for France in approximately 20 days. Can't wait! =D

[edit] And for the record, I've decided to just take maths S and chem S. No point appealing for econs S anyway, since my essay score is abysmal, to say the least. Maths S! Gee. I'm just praying I don't get owned by the F maths people halfway through the course. They literally breathe and live maths all day. No offense! Haha... [/edit]

Yet another appeal.

2005-10-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

"The S paper list is out already!" - Abel

So, I've been offered to read Maths S and Chem S. Hm. I didn't half expect myself to be offered maths S, since I've only managed to hit the A mark. Just! But whyohwhymustbelikethat. Grrrrr. I wanted so desperately to do econs S. Oh well, I shouldn't be grumbling. At least I've been offered chemistry S! So that's a good sign, thank God. Now I've to appeal to do econs S. Keeping in mind that maths S is likely to be easier to nail a distinction since it's more right/wrong, I'll have to consult Mdm Kua tomorrow to see whether I'm up for econs S, since I'll be essentially pitting myself against the best from the humanities programme. Lord knows they're such good writers.

***

I can't believe you actually had to stoop down to doing that. I trusted you better. And the worst thing is, you actually think I don't know. *rolls eyes* Evidence, baby, evidence!

Some people drive me mad.

Bad timetables.

2005-10-26T10:00:00.000+08:00

RAWR. I'm here, stuck in the school library for the past forty minutes or so. There's nothing seriously wrong with the school library. It's open and spacious and frankly, I think it's one of the nicer libraries around. Just that, I've got this colossal break between morning assembly at 7.20am and the next lesson at 11.20am. Drives me raving mad, I tell you. I spent the past few hours surfing the web aimlessly, browsing sites like dotaportal and abrsm, in a faint attempt to curb the stiffling boredom. I've done a pretty good job at that and there's only about 1 hour 20 minutes left. Go me! Time to hurry off to Shawna to grab my score for today's practice.

***

It baffles me why people would ever consider stealing the ball of a mouse. By that, I mean a computer mouse, all you sick maniacs out there! =P

I was at the student's lounge this morning, wanting to use the computer as I was too bored reading John Grisham's The Last Juror. Quite a good book, but you can only read a book for that long, right?

Turns out that ball of the mouse was missing.

Tell me what's more frustrating than that. Now I understand why the Dean is coming down so harsh on those mentally unstable buggers who do stuff like that - stealing the ball of a mouse. What a joke!

***

My conversation with Dr S today was...enlightening, I'd say. It's surprising how much I've left about myself in just a brief conversation of 5 minutes. Hm. I should avoid that. Wouldn't want him to think that I'm getting overly friendly with him. *shudders at the thought*

***

There, 5 minutes spent! Only 1 hour 15 minutes more to go. I can do this.

Ask me a question

2005-10-22T21:38:00.000+08:00

I'm bored, so I'm going to do a silly little survey. My first one on any blog I've ever had! =)

1. Where do you go to shop for clothes?

I don't normally shop for clothes, you know. Afterall, I'm a guy. Yeah. But I think I do pretty random shopping, when the need calls for it. Haha...Nope. Not a shopping addict in anyway. More a "get it and move it" guy.

2. Do you buy your own groceries?

Do I look like I do? *stunned*

3. Do you think people talk about you behind you're back?

Well, sure they do! I'm guilty of it sometimes as well. Oh hell. I just leave them to say all they want. Can't really be bothered about it.

4. When's the last time you had a sour gummy worm? What's that again?

5. What's your favourite fruit? Hm. I'm pretty partial towards strawberries and mangoes.

6. If there was a fire, what would be the first thing you would grab? Almost nothing if only to save my ass. Probably my ipod mini, since I can't possibly save all my scores which I've accumulated since primary 5.

7. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel? Nope nope and nope. Can't do a cartwheel properly.
8. Have you ever tried to build something? Yep! Was into lego when I was young...until I realised how much of a pain physics was. Thank God for the absence of physics in my life now.

9. Do you play with legos? Haha...played. Used to have boxes after boxes of them!

10. Do you play with barbies? *speechless* Ok. Once. But only to appease my sister!

11. Who's your favorite Disney Princess? Ariel, although Belle from Beauty and the Beast comes in as a close second. I can definitely feel how much Ariel feels trapped in her world and I can understand how much she longs to be part of another world - one she knows she doesn't really belong in. SIGH. Love the song "Part of Your World", but that is largely irrelevant to this question!

12. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Obviously not.

13. Would you rather have blue skin or purple skin? Blue! That'll be uber cool! So Mermaid-ish.

14. Have you ever gotten a sunburn? Like DUH! Once, I had this sunburn and I could hardly carry my bag to school 'cause the skin on my shoulders were peeling off so badly they stung when touched! Ouch!

15. Have you eaten snow? Nope! But I'd be glad to, anytime! And make snow angels! Wheee!

16. Have you watched Star Wars, any of the six? Yes. Enjoyed it, but I'm in no way a rabid fan of the series. Just cannot understand the craze about the lightsabres! Jedi mind tricks are cool though. Imagine what one can achieve with them!

17. Do you have a fuzzy pen? Ewwwwwww.

18. Do you fix your bed? At times...but only once in a blue moon! I do change my own sheets though, like once a fortnight or so.

19. What color are your bedsheets? Presently they're grey. Very boring, very mundane colour. I used to have them in shades of green and they rocked! Haha...I don't usually coordinate the colour of my bedsheets with that of my comforter though, so the colours might clash. But then again, who friggin' cares? =P

20. Do you wear slippers? My slippers rock! I bought them Down Under for A$14 and I love them to bits.

21. What is the coolest lamp you own? Nothing but the normal Ikea designs I guess. I don't have a lamp fetish.

22. What's your favorite flower? Hm...I think lilies are nice. But I don't really take notice!

23. Did you go or do you want to go to prom? Nope, I didn't go. But I'll definitely go for my college prom. Won't miss it for the world.

24. What does your tissue box look like? Oh well, the normal crap.

25. Did you ever open a lemonade stand? Nay.

26. Were you or are you in ballet? Nope. I do admire all dancers though, the way they carry the form and they just have this different air about them. Even their daily strides look good. Sigh.

27. Do you listen to classical music? Yes siree! I love Bach the most, even though I'm quite hopeless at playing his fugues. Drives me mad! Mozart is pretty impressive to listen to too. Most of the time, I'm mighty inspired to practise really hard after I listen to recordings of piano works.

28. What's the longest book you've read? Hm. I figured it should be Dreamcatcher by Stephen King. It was so long and so confusing!

29. What smiley best represents you? The double chinned one. =)) I'm guilty of using it so often.

30. What do you do when you are stuck? Hm. Get myself out, duh?

31. Do you have a "wacky noodle"? Seriously, get a life!

33. Do you have a website where you put your pictures on? I do, but I hardly use it 'cause I'm no tech-geek and I'm far too lazy to wait for pictures to load.

34. Do you watch Spongebob? Sing it along with me! "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants!" *nods nods*

35. What kind of car do you want? A black really stylish Jaguar or something. I've always had this thing for the Jaguar on the tip of the car.

36. Last food you ate? Satay from the satay club. Yum yum.

37. Last nice thing you did for someone? Taught my sister how to sing a song and for all the raving popstar-wannabes in the world, she can't sing for nuts! OH man.

38. Do you make presents? Nah. I would if I had the time though.

39. Do you make your own jewelry? *coughs and sputters*

40. How any questions are left in this survey? I wish I'd know.

41. Are you in advanced classes? Nah! There aren't any advanced classes. There are advanced placement classes though, where you can choose to do some modules to gain credits while you're in college so that you can do fewer credits in university. But oh well, I think I'll leave university work to university. We already have enough things on our hands right now!

42. Do people consider you as smart? Hm. I think so, but I'm quite perplexed why.

43. Do you collect anything? Yes! I seriously hoard scores so now I've an appreciably amount of scores to play from. Go me. I use to collect stamps and stickers as well, but that's so primary school! *rolls eyes*

44. Do you collect a series of a certain book? Nope, even though I do read books in a series. Gives a sort of a continuum to a plot as you see how the character develops. I love the finality to a series. The feeling is bittersweet.

45What time is it? 10pm. Early considering the time I usually go to bed during the weekdays! My biological clock is extremely screwed especially in the wake of the devastating promos. lol.

46. Is your away message on? No. I don't usually go on MSN nowadays.

47. Do a lot of your friends have livejournal? Nah, but I do know people who have one.

48. Do you have a paid account? Nah. I'll never pay for a journal on the internet. It doesn't make sense!

49. Have you ever been to Jamaica? hell no.

50. Do you make your own cards? *shakes head*

51. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together? Hahahahhaa. YES! That's one of the cheap thrills of those art lessons, huh!

52. What was the stupidest thing you've done? Telling someone that I like her. Feels mighty stupid once you think of it 'cause it just changes everything between the two parties. Hell.

53. How many languages do you know? Quite a few. I can speak English and Mandarin fluently, french and cantonese "survival" standard. Working on my french now. My brother actually bought me this book to help me learn Latin. Gee!! Latin!! I'd probably do that and Japanese next.

54. Can you skip stones? Nah.

55. Where did you get this survey from? Some random person. Sorry for leeching this survey!

***

There. Left me breathless.

Openhouse was fun! Had a great time "killing" all those poor students and making them join the choir!

Lesson learnt : The central plaza really sucks as a performance venue! The light is mighty strong and it just stings my eyes I could hardly open them. Furthermore, there was something in my nose and my eyes at the end of the first performance. GAH GAH. So, I was blinking and tears were forming in my eyes and I couldn't soothe them because we were still singing! ARGH!!
Oh well. That's all for now, I suppose.

Exchange with NJC choir

2005-10-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

Sans the seniors, that is.

If I don't recall wrongly, the last exchange with the NJ choir was roughly a few months back, when the seniors were still around (thank God for them!) and we were still neophytes to the new standard of choral singing. For me, that exchange was an eye-opener. And yes, it added a whole new dimension to the term "good singing". Ack. The male singers there are just plain good. And I had to stand beside this guy who blasted damn loud which extremely sound technique. I was struggling in the corner, trying to get a grip on myself. "They can't be that good!" Right.

Back to what I was planning to blog about today. The exchange today was helpful and in a way...well, stressful. Alright, I admit it. We've got a lot more ground to cover should we aspire to be as good as them in the near future (read: before our term ends). A lot. Basses, at least we have improved in terms of confidence. But everyone, me including, needs to improve our much deplorable technique! C'mon guys, we can do it together. Even if it means singing your throats hoarse and your voice croaky. It's friggin' worth it. Just picture the voice of Royston in your head. There, motivated huh? =D

Shan't go on and say how we performed during the rehearsal, but we're holding an "emergency" practice tomorrow to salvage whatever we can - sound and music. ARGH! We've been having such "emergency" practices ever since the seniors left us to geek out for the A levels and it says a lot about us! I won't hide the fact that I'm finding it rather pesky now, but hey, if work needs to be done, it needs to be done. Period.

***

There, promo results are all out in the sun. Exposed. Unchanged.

I suppose I have to be thankful for my results. Too many shocks. Notwithstanding the pleasant surprise of scoring A for maths (this is a day to remember! MATHS! It's actually maths!), I think receiving the papers was a largely distressing affair on the whole. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate having to sit there as your mind goes into a frenzied state thinking about the possible grades. It's almost like "psyching" yourself up to be prepared for the worst. I hate receiving less than expected results, eg. economics. I can't believe I failed my essays. Yes, I scored 8 marks. I hate...

Grrr. I hate throwing a bitch fit here, but hey! 05S71, let's do it together next year, alright? Let's stop being the last class for practically all the subjects - save for maths, perhaps. Time to pull ourselves together for the final lap next year, which is going to be the determinant for the A levels. =DD

Just waiting for 2nd november to see how the results actually turn out. Seeing the results in black and white could be comforting, to a certain extent.

I have just survived year one of junior college.

Wow. Feels great.

Bringer of bad news.

2005-10-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

Last week has been rather eventful, although not entirely in a good sense.

On the return of economics papers - I'm not going to hide my disappointment. Frankly, I didn't think I'd do so badly for economics. I mean, I was counting on it for at least a B, hello? Firstly, 23/50 for essays. Bad enough for me to warrant 50 bangs of my head against the wall. Had to manually lift my jaw back into place, really. 8 marks in total for the first essay, out of a possible 25.

"The average mark that I gave for the essay was about 14 to 15 marks." - Ms T

Looks like I reeeeally fell out of the average mark.

Looking on the bright side of things, at least I managed to score 64.5 overall for econs, which puts me a C. Again, I missed a B by 0.5 marks. I don't even know whether I should laugh through my tears. Lol!

On biology olympiad - Gotta admit I didn't think I'd get in anyway, but now that it's official ("my name's not there? oh."), just gotta live with it and cross my fingers and pray that I can at least manage an E for the paper.

On promos overall - I think I screwed it up. Darn it all.

On reading - Yay! I've read 2 more books this time in the week! It feels mighty wonderful to have time to read books now that there's hardly any work for me to do. Coping with the shocks of having to face my dismal grades is another matter altogether! But for the moment, I'm quite content spending my time reading. On to "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck. When I first read the book, I couldn't believe that the characters were going to speak in weird English again. Like anyone knows what "that means we'll be bucking grain bags, bustin' a gut" means! Then again, it's one of the beauties of literature, isn't it? Appreciating what the writer wishes to convey without fully understanding it. Hm. At least that's what I learnt from attending two years of literature classes!

Doing some "quality control" for music on my IPod mini now. My library's pretty small, only a meagre collection of 1059 songs. I know! But there are people out there who have at least a mind-boggling 10000 songs! Which really leaves me to wonder how they ever manage to select only 1000 songs to put in their IPods. That's unless they have a 40GB IPod, which costs so much you can feed a dying child in Africa for a year. Sigh. Blame it on society, people.

I think I'll pop a few tranquilisers before I go to school on Tuesday. No prizes for guessing why.

ps. Weather forecast for Tuesday : Raging storms with thunders expected throughout the whole day.

(For my readers who are clueless as to what is going to happen on Tuesday, I'll be getting back my maths, chemistry (Good Lord!) and biology papers on that fateful day. Mood likely to be in the doldrums. Go figure.)

Unmitigated freedom.

2005-10-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

Well, almost! Now that it's the end of the dreaded exam period, it's time to relive all the simple pleasures in life. I've come up with a brilliant list of things to do for tomorrow! Ain't I smart!

1) Finish reading Dreamcatcher. (ooo! Can't wait to see what happens at the end!)
2) Pack up all my worksheets which are currently strewn all over the floor. Utter mess!
3) Eat more Ben and Jerry's Choc Fudge ice-cream. Sinful, but oh for all the goodness, it's alright! I'm taking it in! =D
4) Borrow more books from the library.

There! All that I've gotta do. Listed down into 4 simple points. Makes it all the more easier to plan my day tomorrow. I hate wasting time - so for now, I'm playing all I can!

Can you imagine? I actually got sick of playing heroes 4 of might and magic today! Amazing. I didn't think that I'd actually get sick of the game. Sigh. Turned out I thrashed a hero with stacks of creatures that pounded my army to 2 bone dragons and 3 poison spawns. Thinking that I'd beaten the pulp outta the strongest hero of their colour, out popped out of nowhere another Hero (with a capital "H" for special emphasis!) with another throng of bone dragons and devils. Oh. Crap. That's when I clicked on "save game" and "quit". Heck. I hate being proven wrong.

Then again, I can't wait for heroes of might and magic 5 to be released!! *hops around the room* Look at the stunning shots of the angels below.

Angel with army.

Oh gee. I think I just wet my pants looking at the archangel. Isn't he gorgeous?

Angel in action! RAWR.

"Taste the tip of my sword, you flaming bugger!" *flaps wings regally* Awwwww!

For now, I think I'll settle with Heroes 4 and a good cone of ice-cream by my side. Don't forget the book! Cheerios! =)

So...this is it?

2005-10-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

End of promos.

There, I've said it. And no - no cheering crowds, no scintillating fireworks after the *painful* biology paper, no laughter, no...

Just plain numbness. I didn't know whether I should really be happy now that it's the end of the promos. I know my results this time round are going to be abysmal, especially chem and bio. *shudders* God help me.

"You have fifteen minutes left."

How calmly she said it. I could have screamed there and then. Deja vu? I haven't even touched my essays yet. Turned out I did the photosynthesis question and managed to pull off the 6 mark question pretty well. As for the evil 14 mark question that went "Explain the structure of chloroplast in relation to its role in photosynthesis" or something like that, I just spammed everything I knew about the chloroplast. Sporadic ideas no doubt, but bio doesn't mark for fluency. Just points. ARRRRRRGH. They're marking the scripts of people in the Biology Olympiad first. That means they're going to see how horrible I did - personally. I'm faintly trying to suppress another scream.

Forgot about it for the afternoon. Call it selective amnesia - a good form of painkiller. Made a trip to the Esplanade and borrowed four really nice scorebooks. YAY! Norah Jones, Jim Brickman, Sound of Music and George Gershwin. Yippee!

Alright. Now for the results to be released. I'd roll over and shrivel up in embarrassment on the day itself. A mutation, no less...due to environmental stresses!!

Till next time...Be safe. LOL.

One last massacre - in 15 hours.

2005-10-05T19:25:00.000+08:00

Down to the final paper!! Woohoo!! Actually, I'm not even sure whether I should be on knees bawling my eyes out or leaping for joy because one, I think I screwed up chemistry for good this time round. Say bye-bye to the chem "S" paper. Two, it's biology tomorrow and I'm suffering from Information Overload. Time to convince myself that I am going to be pass biology with a C tomorrow. At least. Or so I hope.

Maths turned out better than I thought! For once, I wasn't stoning in front of my paper, thinking how on earth people actually turn into mathematicians. That word should be censored. Good golly! All the tanx and secx and and...

Well. 'Nuff said about maths. I think if I don't make those careless mistakes that creep in from nowhere, I should be able to secure at least a C for maths this time round. One giant creep from the promos exterminated. Go me.

Then again, they say "promos are evil". How true - especially when you see the devilish level of the chemistry paper today. *rolls eyes* It was what I would call "a moment to remember". So deja vu, like my Geography O levels. Everything goes into a blur, you wonder why the hell you studied so hard for when you don't even have time to write down everything you know and you just feel like dying on the spot when the teacher announces oh-so-calmly over the mike that "you have 15 minutes left." My heart literally skipped a beat then. From that moment on, it was just a mad rush of words. Spamming as many things as I can before time runs out. There goes my paper. There goes my effort in sustaining at least an A average for chem CA. Great. Freakin' jump over the moon moment.

French was comparatively better. Monsieur Kou was a charm in asking such "easy" questions.

Do you think the youths in Singapore are particularly apathetic about politics? Is it a problem with the education system?

Stun number two...

You mentioned reforms in France. Do you think all the educational reforms make sense? What do you think about the streaming exam at primary 4 and at secondary two? Are they effective and beneficial for all students?

From then on, I can only remember myself going "dies. dies. dies. dies." and my speech became very much garbled and my grammar was so horrid I think my other examiner just cringed on the spot. She didn't ask a single question. Just sat down there and stared, penning notes from time to time. Something tells me there was much more to her stare. Glare really!

Oh well. That being that, monsieur actually said "c'est bon. merci!" (that's good. thank you.) at the end of the oral exam - which makes me half suspect whether he said it to half the other candidates as well! Haha...you never know. That false sense of security can actually prove to be a deceitful friend...making you think you made it when you actually didn't.

=)) Biology. I should smile more. Makes the tension go away. Indeed. =))

Hope I can pull through tomorrow's paper in one piece. No more screw ups.

I'm trying to talk to keep the tension away.

Temporary hiatus

2005-10-02T17:02:00.000+08:00

Oh well! I'm officially sick of the loads of economics notes that I've gotta digest by tomorrow morning - by hook or by crook. As of now, I haven't got desperate yet to do it by the crook way. Let's hope it stays that way, yeah. ;)

Grooving now to Claude François' "Alexandrie Alexandra"! Totally rocks! Haha...One of the immersion programme guys sent it to the people in the programme. Yeeeeeeah, baby! =)

A look back on General Paper Promos on Friday. I thought I did ok...At least I made a very valiant attempt in trying to paraphrase and replace all the words in the passage to my own words. Tough crap. I was amused, to say the least, when I saw that the essay paper didn't contain even one question on the social moral issues that I studied so hard for the day before. =(( Muttered "damn" under my breath and chose the quote, "Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught" to do instead. Hope I didn't screw up my essay this time round! It's so crucial to do well for the essay paper since it's what determines a B from a C, essentially.

Kids are so funny. I went to church today as usual and in my church, there's such a thing as a community lunch where everyone stays back to have lunch in the church. So, I was waiting to get my dessert when there was this little boy, of perhaps 5 years of age, trying his hardest to draw as much syrup into his bowl using the ladle. Thinking that he was going to pick the peaches later on, he didn't. Not a single peach! Haha!! How amusing! It's like the same ol' "chicken rice without chicken" analogy. Lol!

Technically, I shouldn't be anywhere near this computer. But ahhhhh heck. =D I'm taking a fiver.

I hope tomorrow's econs paper isn't a boo-boo. Please don't let it be one!! I need my econs grade, if only to make my report card look better. You know what they say about the "D" printed in bold next to the blasted word "Mathematics". UGH.

Ownage!

2005-09-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

Managed to slog it out at my desk today and finished quite a bit of work! I'm very satisfied with myself, despite the fact that I'm as bushed as nuts now. The only thing on my mind is "I've gotta read Dreamcatcher." Lol!

Through all the revision though, I can't help but have this nagging thought about plans - those to tackle the emotional low that comes so often when you realise that even when you've tried your best, you still don't do well. I had one of those long chats with myself just before the O level results were released. I mean, c'mon. The O levels meant 4 years of oppression and hard work in the school. Mav once put it as, "the school that is as good as a prison". Something along that line. Very apt indeed. Anyway, I digress. Thing is, I can't help feeling the sense of dread that comes with receiving the results. The confirmation of how well you've done. I'm in no way a perfectionist, but I do set standards for myself. They're not high, I think, especially in comparison to some of my peers. *rolls eyes* But I try my best. No regrets after the exams. Even if it means scoring a loud and happy F for maths at the end of the day, I don't think I'll bawl for a year and a half before working hard again for the A levels. Damn. It's just the promos! Why am I getting so uptight about it all?

Promos. Just the promos.

Tomorrow will be another day.

Another day closer to the promos, that is.

Hyperventilating

2005-09-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

Ok. I'm seriously in a state of utter panic. I can feel myself losing my state of mind. Even as I sit here, a war is raging in me. I can't face the hard fact - Promos in a good 7 days! *runs amok in the room* ARRRRRGH!!

Tried a revision lecture MCQ today. And I can't friggin' remember some of the concepts, especially periodicity 2. It was just so...ego-bruising that I couldn't help but change my schedule for tomorrow to revision for chemistry topics. Last attempt! I must get them all in and not lose them. I think I'm having a major memory retention problem. You know what they say about Alzheimer's hitting young kids like me nowadays! Can hardly remember what I studied 10 minutes ago! Gee. This is bad. I had better isolate myself (ooo! speciation comes to mind!) and mug mug mug!! Must do well for the promos. Must do well for the promos.

Ok. Enough of the self-psyching up. Thing is, I don't think I really have much time left to study all the topics I wanted to study again. Big mamas like market structures deserve a second look. Oh well. I think I'll leave that for another day.

And my french has got to clash with chemistry - with Biology the next day. WOW WEE! More time wasted!

=(( This augurs bad news. And I don't think I need to see a shrink to know that I'm losing my sanity, albeit slowly!

Please let me have superhuman powers. If only for a week!

So you want to be a doctor?

2005-09-21T22:47:00.000+08:00

Alright. There hasn't been anything blog-worthy to post about lately...since my life is revolved around mugging tutorials and revising the plethora of notes strewn all over my desk. The mere sight of the notes makes me want to roll over and die. I was flipping through my organiser just yesterday and it only dawned on me then how dangerously close the promotional exams are. Just a week away! I'm starting to get The Drive - only a matter of whether it's too late or not. I actually looked forward to mugging in school after lessons! Just imagine. If only I'd gotten that earlier...perhaps I'd finish more revision?

Trawling the internet as usual when I returned home in the evening when I chanced upon a lovely site with a forum that's actually updated frequently. I was just browsing the net for information of med school and when I saw this, I couldn't stop. I had to read from page one to page 17 of the forum. LOL. The information was helpful, no doubt...I've gained newfound inspiration. Long run goals and short term goals.

Short term goals - Score decent grades for the promotional exams. (No Ds and below hopefully? That applies to maths as well! =D)
Long term goal - Get into med school.

It won't be easy. But i'm giving it my best shot! Yay. Come to think of it, I do want it quite bad. But I won't cry myself a river a la Justin Timberlake if I fall short. I'll prolly scuttle off to do something with my econs.

***

Finished my photosynthesis tutorial! ENOUGH of photosystems and enough spelling frightfully long words. You know what they say about the ribulose biphosphate carboxylase oxygenase. Good heavens. Fourteen syllables!! And that's one enzyme out of...what, 20? Be brave, all who are currently assimilating the many mysteries of photosynthesis. Not long more to go and you can burn all the plants in your house. Who friggin' cares. For now, it's the "3 stage mantra". Lol.

***

What with French AO oral on the same day as maths? And of all papers, it has gotta be "my goodness, I can't do half the questions"-maths! Boohoohoo. Sobs sobs sobs. What to do? Now in my desperate attempt (to not much avail, sadly!) to recover my standard of spoken french, I've resorted to dragging Georgia to practise with me! Forget the stuttering on my part like some retarded kid and what you have is a helpful practice session. Really! I even have my dictionary armed to handle tough words like "sceptical" and "crush". HA! Thanks Georgia! =))

***

Tomorrow I shall be more productive. At this rate, perhaps I won't have to go on a 48 hour study marathon during the weekends to finish up my revision! I can settle with a 40 hour one! Yippee! *tries in vain to sound ecstatic at the bleak proposition of having to burn away the weekends right in front of my eyes*

No pain, no gain. I can only hope.

Attack of the mozzies

2005-09-18T17:02:00.000+08:00

ARGH!! My leg has been ravaged by mosquitoes! And that is even when I'm sleeping in an air-conditioned room at night. GEE. Those mosquitoes must be secretly breeding in the damp corners of my brother's table (God knows what he has in there!) and then launching a mass blood-siphoning attack on my poor lil feet! I can just picture those sneaky mosquitoes happily sucking away...while I suffer from the itch the day after. I've been scratching the bites since morning and they just don't seem to go away. *pulls hair in rage*

This is not good. What with the "dengue fever" epidemic going around...what if I'm a victim? *gasps* I don't want my efforts to go down the drain! Not two bloody weeks before the promos. Please please please...

That being said, I spent my whole afternoon trying to solve math problems. After completing the paper, albeit failing miserably, I figured that the only sole reason for the existence of maths is to make lives of pitiful individuals like me more difficult. C'mon! I'll never go "oh! I think I need sinx-siny of apples! No wait. It's sin2x - cos 2x. Hm. Should I differentiate the equation to find out the optimum number of apples to buy?" ARGH. I wish maths could just...disappear into nothingness! And leave me alone! GRRR. And oh yes. Complex maths sums are such an understatement.

So, after surviving the major ego bruise from the maths paper, I decided that it's time for the piano! Managed to file up my scores into neat files. HA! No more turning the whole cupboard down just to find my "Sundial Dreams" score. No more "Bad girl, Sandy! How could you chew up my score to bits?". No more irritating pages flying off the piano. NO MORE. I've had enough! So, off into the files they go! whee.

Alright. Maths is done. Now for my other subjects. Like econs. I just wish I can pass my maths with a C or a D. Not a loud and happy F, will do.

I'm not greedy, am I?

Maths or PW? Hm.

2005-09-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

Tough choice I'd say! It's really a classic case of stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. Both really don't appeal to me much. I mean, can you even comprehend the abstractness of calculus? Or would you rather spend your whole day doing a bloody project that doesn't seem to be beneficial to your life in any way - besides helping you to waste more time and to give you an excuse to not study.

That's what my PW ST asked my group-mate today as she was copying integration notes. HA. He went, "If you want to do maths, then don't come to...college!" Ha. I'm rather positive he wanted to append "pw lesson" at the end. But frankly, if he asked us that question, the entire class will definitely choose pw over maths. Let's face it. Project Work has almost no pragmatic value! What's the use of Project Work? At least with maths, you can open up more paths when you enter university. Project Work? What? Yeah right I'm going to do a major in "project work skills" - and end up appending BPW (Bachelor of project work studies) to my name. *YAWNS* I can't wait to be rid of project work - for good. To my dear juniors who are probably not going to experience the turmoil of having to plough through endless drafts of practically useless evaluations and whatnot, be glad. Be very glad. I can't think of a better way to waste time than to do project work in junior college. Seriously. Even maths doesn't seem so much of a torture! That's very telling, in my case!

Having said that, I'm glad it's a friday. So nothing can get me down. Not even the crappy PW lesson I had today which qualified as the lousiest lesson of the week. I should start a list for that. Hey wait. PW tops the charts everytime!!

Sudden revelations are startling. Not this one though! HEH.

Georgia, my french classmate, officially made the quote of the day! Yay!

Me, "Especially when it's raining, it's not safe to cross the big plain over there. Even if you have an umbrella at hand. No, especially if you have an umbrella at hand."

She, "Hm. But it's quite dangerous."

Me, "What is?"

She, "The workers!"

A little background information on this one. Before you can actually get to the language centre, it's necessary to cross this big span of land with a straight concrete path that joins the McDonald's at the end nearer the bus interchange to the road facing the language centre. However, as of late, there's some construction going on adjacent to the path. So, naturally, there were some "temporary shelters", I suppose, built next to the path, albeit seperated by a drain that's situated rather threateningly close to the path. (I've always secretly wondered if any blur sec one or two boy/girl has ever fallen in and got stuck there, all the while wailing for help but to no avail. HA! I have issues. I've told you. =D)

So, naturally, I was expecting a more plausible and logical answer like "lightning" in the midst of a heavy thunderstorm. And she actually said the workers. LOL// So telling of her! Haha...I was almost rolling over in fits when she said that. How can the workers do us any harm? Throw forks and spoons across the drain and hit you at the side of your head? *a very flummoxed yours truly*

***

French LEP is going to be introduced next year in the language centre. WHAT THE HELL. If I hadn't chosen economics, I would have done french LEP. Anytime! Oh well. Georgia and Bryan's mighty pissed about it since they have to self study the french literature texts while the lucky J1s who choose to enrol themselves for such an enriching programme will find themselves tackling the relatively easier option of "Civilisation", where you are required to write a 2000 word long essay on any topic (theoretically, it can be anything. Even if you examine why french people behave the way they do!) and hand it in at the end of the two year course. HOW difficult can that be? You have two whole years to write and rewrite and to edit your essay until it's perfect from head to tail. Sigh. Go Georgia and Bryan! You guys are very brave and I admire you guys a lot. I wouldn't have guts to read so much on my own! =))

Oh. And get over the french LEP thing. I know the thousand bucks is quite hard to forget...but Georgia, you already have a thousand bucks from the Chinese LEP! Haha...Bryan, too bad. HAHA. Just kidding. Just enjoy the course, really! =))

***

I mugged very little today. Shall mug econs tomorrow and biology on sunday. Thank God for weekends. Really. Thank God.

Mugger-phobic?

2005-09-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

Mugger.

Since when did such a word become associated with negative ideas of a person being excessively obsessed with studying? Afterall, isn't that what we're supposed to do as students? I wish I knew myself. Having being (*surprise surprise!*) labelled as by my peers more than once, I wonder if they really mean it in jest. C'mon. Most of you guys know I'm not one. I slack more than the average joe and believe me - I spend less time studying than some of the more hardworking peeps in the class. So, just cut the crap and let me lead my life, alright?

I can't really blame them for labelling me a "mugger". I love my subjects, as most of you should know by now. At least I feel like I'm learning something at school and that I'm not just attending school just for the mere obligation of it all. Yes, from time to time, I do feel that school and tutorials can be such a b*tch...but at least that I haven't let that monster manifest itself for quite sometime now. Rather a feat. Perhaps it's because I'm from RV. OHHHH gee. You have no idea what life is like there. *rolls eyes*

Hallmark of a mugger: Have the Sloman (economics) textbook in front of him even as he types this blog entry.

I like to contradict myself. LOL//

***

Yet through it all, I think that I'm at least more appreciative of what I have and what I can do. For starters, I'm in love with all the choir songs I've sung over the past four years in RV. That's perhaps one of the saving graces in RV. The choir has taught me so much! And I miss them so - requiem, phantom of the opera, les miserables and even "all my trials". I can fondly remember singing them as a choir in my mind...they seem so vivid, like the performance was just yesterday and I'm suffering from post-concert blues. Haha...Can you believe it if I told you I played "all my trials" like 4 times and each time I sang along, I felt like crying. Yes. I'm such a wimp. Crying at the piano!! Just imagine that. Sometimes you just feel so burdened...and when you sing such songs...it just hits you how apt it all is!

All my trials, Lord, soon be over.

I've printed out the DipABRSM repertoire list! Go me!! That's a baby step to doing my diploma for piano performance. Can't do the teaching diploma nor the directing diploma 'cause I'm underaged. *rolls eyes* Like you really need to be at least 18 years old to pass the diploma! I've heard of people who have done and successfully passed their diploma when they were 13! Lol. Most of the pieces in the list are waaaaaay outta my league, especially the Beethoven sonatas. *shudders* Being the optimistic me, I surfed www.sheetmusicarchive.net in search of the Appasionnata. GOODNESS!! My eyes were getting cramps just from figuring out all the notes that are strewn all over the sonata. They're everywhere. And that's not the end of it. The sonata is ten(!!) pages long. Cue: utter shock. Gershwin, here I come!! =))

***

Madame Bovary is one big psycho. She flirts with all the men in the village. Yes, I do mean all - well, except for the apothecary, I think. But can't blame her 'cause he's really uncouthed in his ways. Then again, can you believe she actually tried to elope with another man when she's already got a daughter? And her husband is actually a doctor who's in debt. That sounds seriously wrong. A doctor in debt? How can a doctor be in debt? A doctor earns big fat cash! Well, most of the time, at least.

I can't wait to see why she actually committed suicide at the end. Haha. A sudden image of Charles Kingshaw flashed right in front of me. I actually felt sorry for him at the end of the novel...especially when Mrs Woon was doing the analysis. She was really into the book, I tell you! Raving mad...and she was getting all flushed in the face because she was so agitated. I'll never forget that lesson!

***

I think my entries are starting to get boring. I should blog less - and study more. Isn't that the natural corollary? Leisure and study, I mean. ACK. I'm NOT a mugger!!

Miracles do happen.

2005-09-13T20:18:00.000+08:00

Amen. They do.

Guess what? I didn't have to swim for the friggin' 11th week! Haha...aren't you all dying to find out how I managed to evade the whole swimming module while you guys are desperately trying to cook up lame excuses just to stay out of the frigid waters? Here's the survival guide to "Surviving YOUR swimming module".

Step one: Fail your NAPFA - I don't suppose that's very difficult for the guys considering how high the standards are for passing. 220cm just to pass your standing broad jump. I shudder at the thought.

Step two: Retake your NAPFA - Yes. I trained and I retook it. Despite the fact that I managed to cling on to the bar after ten jumps and pulled myself up 5 times, I still failed my other sections. Just goes to show that pull-ups isn't everything. ARGH. I'm still angry over the whole "standing broad jump is a good form of assessment" issue. =((

Step three: Retake your NAPFA for another 9 weeks - Haha. Isn't that plain easy?

Step four: On to the new game! - Woohoo~ Congratulations! You've made it through without even having to stick your pinky in the water! =)) Now on to another game for the term.

Now now. Isn't that going to be a bestseller! Girls never have to worry 'cause they can always use that as a reason every four weeks. But guys...hahaha. Tough luck! Just gotta bank on this tried-and-proven strategy.

There's no such thing as a free lunch...and this applies in this situation as well. Sometimes, I fail to understand why I say the stupidest of things. For example, I had to add the clause, "Can I repeat my swimming module next time?" ARGH!! It was my conscience speaking!! NOOOO. The moment I said it, I had an epiphany - those kind that hit you on the head and suddenly thunder and lightning starts raging in the background and a doomsayer-like voice laughing maniacally away 'cause you know you've made a major (in this case almost life-threatening) faux pas. Thank you. All my efforts gone down the drain. And I only have myself to thank. *pats myself on the back*

***

I saw another RV girl on the street today. She looks like she's in secondary two. I can't believe she's going to be in that eyesore of a uniform for another good 5 years. HAHAHAHA. Almost laughed my head off at the thought of it. Trapped in there!! For worse!!

***

On to a more serious note. Assembly today was more of dealing with the canteen matters and it was headed by Mr Pang, our discipline master. He's hilarious and I'm glad the school's actually doing something about the canteen. In some other schools *coughSSSS*, I hardly think the school could care two hoots about the kind of food one is getting in the canteen - hair and all. Go Mr Pang! =))

It was shortly followed by the dean giving another speech about whether we actually deserve such an amelioration of the facilities. Well, in my opinion, most of the students here are indeed deserving. We can't just deny that fact just because of a few isolated cases of "wet tissue paper in the toilets" which are probably committed by a few students who have frighteningly infantile minds. Can you believe it? 17 year olds still playing in the toilet? Oh give me a break. They really should just grow up.

Later, he proceeded to talk about how the people who "skipped the EEP for no reason at all have been blacklisted". Great. I'm one of them. However, I'd like to impress on you readers that I didn't "pon". I was genuinely sick. But not to the extent that I had to see a doctor. You guys know what I mean. Didn't see a need to spend 20 bucks anyway. Could have used those money to buy a new CD! Like Carrie Underwood's new and upcoming album! But that, again, is on a random sidenote.

I digress.

I only skipped the last day. And I was genuinely sick. Only that the fact that I couldn't produce a "medical certificate" just makes me a delinquent, giving no respect to the amount of effort that the teachers put in to organise such a programme for us.

Please do not be deluded to think that I'm deriding the school or anything. I'm not. I love the school and I appreciate what the teachers have done. This, however, does not mean that I am happy about the fact that I've been "blacklisted" and "will be put off all programmes" and might not have a chance to take my "S papers" anymore. ARGH. I hate to sound agitated, like I can't take up full responsibility for my actions, but seriously. I think that the school is just getting way too uptight about the whole matter, partially due to the fact that it creates a bad impression on outside organisations. Fine. We have to bear the full cost of the programme as a punishment. But being blacklisted? And robbed of future chances? C'mon! People make mistakes and I don't think it's fair to have to be compromised on so much just because of missing ONE DAY of the programme - without the cover of a "medical certificate" by a qualified doctor. *pained look* That really put me off the whole day after the assembly. *hollers*

I'm just going to have to pray that my conduct pulls me through. Ugh. Put that off my mind for awhile now that I've typed it all out.

***

Managed to mug a total of 15 minutes in school after CT session before taking a siesta for 45 minutes! I couldn't resist the urge to close my eyes. Felt like there were lead weights attached to my upper eyelids! UGH. Woke up at 4.15pm only to realise that there was not going to be any Biology Olympiad training. =( So I just stayed behind to finish up more revision on biology before leaving for home at approximately 5.30pm. Ha! Resolution, baby!

***

Tomorrow's going to be a better day. AMEN!

First day of school

2005-09-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

Today went fine. I think even the weather was in my favour. =) How nice. It was drizzling at first in the late afternoon, after which it started to rain cats and dogs just as I was about to go for french. Lol. Turned out I had to walk as quickly as I could for fear of being struck by lightning. Knowing the science behind how lightning works didn't really help. I could actually see the flashes of lightning in the distant horizon. Can you imagine that? Gee. Scared the hell out of me.

Anyway, highlight of today was...the release of my french prelim results!! Yay!! I scored a miraculous 86/100!! WOOOOOT. I was extremely shocked when I received my papers. I almost fainted when I saw that I managed to score 22/25 for listening when it was so bloody difficult that I thought I was sitting for Greek listening or something. Turned out my essay was marked super leniently...plus my comprehension, which I was counting on to pull my grade up, didn't fail me. Scored 37.5/40 for that section. YAY-ness. But Orlanda's going to get the ambassador's prize or something. That prize is the most prestigious study award given to foreign language students here and they usually judge you based on your 'AO' prelim result. She managed to score 91/100. Or thereabouts I think. But still!! 91 marks...leaves me breathless. There were of course other people who scored well in certain sections as well, like Bryan who scored 88/90 for oral when I only managed to utter as much as I could in my sub-standard french, earning me a pathetic 68/90. LOL. Oh well. I'm just very very very very very thankful that I managed to bag an A1 this time round. How satisfying. Now to pull off the same feat for my "AO" french exam. The real deal this time round.

***

Swimming test tomorrow. I've decided that I'm just going to go there and drown myself or something. At best, I'd be waddling in the water, thrashing about for dear life. The prospect of me ever passing the swimming test by tomorrow is bleak. Don't even propose the idea of me even passing the treading water part...which is apparently the easiest of them all. *sigh* When will I ever get down to learning how to swim proficiently?

I've been dreading tomorrow ever since yesterday. Well, there's nothing like waiting for your own doom, huh? Just a taste of how it feels like to stand before the gallows, knowing that your life is going to end with a *thud*. Literally and figuratively.

...

And I can hardly get myself to calm down even now!! ARGH!!

Productivity all-time high.

2005-09-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

Yes. I managed to study a lot more today! =)) I'm infinitely happy! Finally, a day filled with mugging. Perhaps one of the reasons is because it was raining almost the whole of the afternoon? Pretty sleep-inducing, but I was so frustrated over chiral carbons I just couldn't get myself to take a nap.

List of tests tomorrow:
Biology SPA
Chemistry lecture test (mcq)
Chemistry independent learning test

I'm sooooo not looking down on the independent learning test now. Haha...Studied quite hard for it. Not like there's a lot anyway, but still...The fact that I scored a measly 9/15 for the last test just shows that I have to work harder. And everyone almost scored full marks! Eeps.

***

I've made a fantastic discovery. Behold the podcasts. Oh my goodness. I'm having so much fun subscribing to all the podcasts I can get my hands on. Hahaha...Love it. For all you out there who have not a clue as to what a podcast is, it's basically like an online radio, just that the information comes in files that you can automatically get when you update your podcasts in iTunes. YES. iTunes rocks. There's nothing like it. And furthermore, it's perfectly compatible with my iPod mini. Hahaha...sounds darn narcissistic...with all the "I"s before the words. iPod, iTunes, iRock. LOL.

***

Two weeks to promos. And I'm still here. *screams*

My alma mater going IP?

2005-09-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

So. It's been confirmed in the news that my alma mater, River Valley High School, is going IP, meaning that students will no longer have to take the O levels (oh good riddance!) and they'll proceed to tackle the infinitely more important A levels at the end of a staggering 6 years in the school.

6 years. That's six bloody long years.

It wasn't really a long time ago that I was in the school, complaining endlessly about how draconian the school is like, how conservative everyone is and just how plain ugly and unsightly the uniform is. Oh gee. It does seem like a long time now when I come to think of it. Days gone by. It's almost as if I've moved on all too quickly. And it's only been what, 9 months?

Frankly, the last time I heard about the school contemplating such a preposterous idea was about 5 months back, when I was engaging in a rather random conversation with one of my friends in hwachong. We were talking about how RV is so different from everything it is now (not that it's all that bad now. In fact, I'm loving it! Nope. That's not a hook for Mcdonalds.) and somehow the topic about RV wanting to chomp up the poor little primary school next door just to make space for the extra two years of students popped up in the middle of the conversation. It left me as shocked then as I am now that the school is really going for it. I mean, how on earth are they going to accomodate so many people in the tiny school? I don't mean to demean my school unnecessarily, but my school just happens to be that small. Let's face it. No point going ga-ga over Chinese High 'cause we'll never be that humungous. Even the college isn't as big!

Also, just where are all the extra teachers going to pop up from? The herb garden?? A levels, is very unfortunately, a lot more difficult than O levels. O levels is merely the tip of the iceberg. A levels is the real monster lurking in the background. C'mon! I'm sure you'll have to retrain many of the teachers there to manage the new A level syllabus - what with the H1, H2 and H3 crap. (I still bear a grudge against the ministry for making PW optional. But that's random again.)

So many problems await the school. I can't wait to see how they come up with manageable and feasible solutions. Aha! The subconscious effects of PW. How sneaky.

Ogle at Google.

2005-09-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

Frankly, Google never fails to amaze me with the myriad services it provides - and for the most part, they are completely free! Yes yes...according to economic theory, there's no such thing on earth as a "free lunch", but hark all ye who listen! It's absolutely free. NO need to pay a single cent. NO need to sacrifice anything to use google. Aren't you amazed yet? OK. Perhaps there's the opportunity cost of spending the time to revise your work *coughs*I should!*coughs*, but then again, who could ever complain about using Blogger or even Google Talk? They're awfully easy to learn and they're easy on the eyes too! Far lesser cock-ups than MSN messenger.

***

I haven't been very productive or efficient (pun not intended) over the past few days in terms of my revision. If anything, my revision is crawling at an unbelievably slow pace. My usual routine includes waking up right smack in the middle of the afternoon with the sun scorching a patch on my thigh, followed by wasting a good one hour doing absolutely nothing. Oh my goodness. Those words should be considered Taboo. Yes, with a capital T at that! I mean, it's three friggin' weeks to the promos and I'm here mindlessly staring into space? What is wrong with me? Sometimes I think even my brain has been rewired to the extent that I can't even be rational (again, pun not intended).

As you can obviously tell from the number of puns that can be played from the countless words above, I've been studying nothing but the brainchild of our dear Adam Smith, economics. And oh do I looooovvvve the subject. Have I told you? It's my favourite subject of all. And don't come at me with the "you are so full of sacarsm!" crap 'cause I mean it. Economics rocks my world. WAHAHAHA. Spent a good 40 minutes reading about the indifference analysis when it's not even in the syllabus. That's why I should guard myself against Sloman because it's just too interesting that I get so easily distracted from what I'm actually supposed to study.

Well, just studying economics isn't going to save pitiful me. So, I decided to do chemistry MCQs! And I've completed every single how-much-aluminium-is-produced-at-the-cathode question! YAY-ness. I was close to prancing about the room when I finished all the MCQs for the J1 topics. Except introduction to organic chemistry. But that's because I can't understand chirality for nuts. Still, all the rest! Go figure.

I should come up with a timetable to slavedrive myself tomorrow. If not, I'll never be able to finish in time for the promos. God knows how many closet muggers there are in hc. More than just a couple of them, that's for sure!

***

I've completed Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince! Finally! I know I'm quite a slow reader but my lame excuse is that I want to savour every bit of the story. Haha...Yes. Just like how you're supposed to drink your tea! The book is engaging as it manages to bring you through all the answers to the questions posed in the previous books, much noticeably Order of the Phoenix. And I love the bit about the Horcruxes. Tsk tsk. And to think Dumbledore died for nothing. Just because someone had already taken the real Horcrux! What the!! I was so sad when I read about the bit about Dumbledore dropping off the side and down to the bottom. Not forgetting that it was Snape who killed him. UGH.

Oh. The bit about Harry and Ginny was nice to know too! Haha...Considering Ginny had already had a crush on him ever since he set foot into the Burrow. Haha!

Now on to Madame Bovary, for more serious reading. And incidentally, it's one of the set literature texts for the French A level. My friend has chosen it for the exam and she's going to read the original french version. Can everyone please gasp audibly at the count of three. The language is rather advanced already considering it's in English. I can't imagine reading the french one! But oh well. Brave souls are all around us. I applaud your effort, Georgia! =)) Good going!

***

Tomorrow, I will mug. I must mug.

Ok. If that sounded anything like a resolution.

Never say goodbye.

2005-09-03T22:40:00.000+08:00

I think nothing sums it up better than the chinese proverb that goes tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi. Chinese has never been my forte, admittedly, but I think that it can express extremely complex ideas very elegantly in just a few characters. Amazing. The fact that I can't exactly speak fluent mandarin is irrelevant. =P

Back to the issue. Xinying left for England today. That's like God-knows-how-many-miles away! Sigh. I thought we could stay as a class and meet up regularly, even after we graduated from that hellhole. Ok...perhaps it wasn't that bad, but still, it hit me real hard how often we will be able to meet in the future. People will get jobs, have kids (*gasp* I don't think just after ten years, right? *gasp*) and some people in the class will inevitably be overseas, pursuing their dreams. We met up as a class (ok. Just 15 of us.) at King Albert Park the other day to give a quasi-farewell party to Shining, who happens to be living for Saskatchewan in Canada. I don't even know whether I got the spelling right on that one! I still remember she had to pronounce the name of the place like 3 friggin' times before I made sense of it. Yes...it's some ulu province in Canada. =)) Sigh. Another person who's going to be so far away. How many more will there be left after ten years?

"In ten years' time, let's go to venice as a class!" - Elgina

Yes. I hope so.

***

Random thought of the day

"That must be Korean airlines or something, judging from their appearance."

*a few moments later...after more airstewardess passed by*

"Maybe it's Phillipines."

-Courtesy of our dearest 4C class chairperson (see how politically right I am?), Shumay

***

I've been so random throughout the whole day I'm scaring myself. ARGH. And I have bad hair. Double ARGH. And I listened to "If your Heart's Not in it" on the bus on the way home from the airport. Triple ARGH.

I think I just died from all that triggers.

The mounting stress.

2005-08-30T22:43:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how one sms managed to make me enter the emotional doldrums and stress all-time high zone almost immediately. All it took was just one. Single. SMS. That's how easily affected I am. Do not be mistaken by this though. Most of the time, I'm as happy-go-lucky as can be...Or at least I think I am. Like the friggin' chemistry test which I couldn't be bothered to study for - and ended up barely making the grade. =S But sometimes, circumstances change...and voila~ You're in the dumps! Welcome our PR! Sheesh. Judith and I used to crack jokes about how each of us deserved a permanent residence in the dumps or even at times, citizenship 'cause we're almost perpetually feeling moody. Gah gah gah// I must shirk that side of me. It's not doing me good. Just look at me! I look hagged and jaded. And I'm only 16!! 16 year olds are supposed to look youthful and not look as if they've already gone through almost everything life has to dish at them. Ok. A picture of Hilary Duff suddenly came to mind. Don't ask me why.

Oh. Maybe because she's looking oh-so-good and trendy and she's already on to making her n-th million dollars while I'm here, looking as if I haven't got a clue what the word "sleep" means and frantically scribbling my answers to my tutorials? Oh. That's why.

And that lucky guy beside her. PFSH!!

***

Teachers' Day's tomorrow. YIPPEE. That means a 10.30am dismissal. Wow. It even sounds wrong saying "10.30am dismissal". Most criminal. But WHO CARES!! It's time to go parrrr- people! =)) Can't wait to see all the old foggies back at rv. Not to mention a quasi-class gathering. Yay yay yay. Then it's back to school for choir till 6pm. Not exactly ecstatic, but when work has to be done, it has to be done. (Reminds me of my tutorials!! Ok, that was sporadic enough.) After which, it's Kerwei's farewell dinner at Fish and Co. Gee. I can feel the heat sizzling at my pocket already. But oh well. My second class outing which I'm actually attending. I don't mind class dinners. Love the food, love the company.

***

Oh yes, before I forget, biology olympiad practice round didn't go too well. *gulps* 11/40. Beeeeeeeeg LOLLAGE. I didn't even need to check, 'cause I knew I was just guessing for the most part of the test (read: 38 questions out of 40). *sigh* I'm not afraid of getting the boot though. That'll mean free tuesdays. But please please please let me stay on if they can afford one more loser on the team. I promise I'll chomp up my Campbell after the promos! I do I do I do.

That was Nerd enough. But no, I won't ingest and digest my Campbell book because I'm just going to end up with constipation in the end. Just imagine, I spent 3 whole days figuring out the weeny topic of immunology - and there are a good 40 chapters in Campbell, I think. Go figure!

***

Time to make my Cinderella-like exit. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince rocks. Anyone who has yet to read it should be transmogrified into a toad with nine legs! SHOO.

Plethora of tests

2005-08-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's a "plethora" of tests presently. This week is swarmed with tests, both tomorrow and on friday. Tomorrow's tests include biology olympiad practice round and also french preliminary exam, written paper. Sigh. Even though I know I'll probably do ok for my written paper since there's a good 2 hours 45 minutes to complete the paper which we usually do in 2 hours, I still need to squeeze all the marks out of my comprehension and my essay. We went through the cloze passages in class today and by golly! I made so many mistakes it was bruising my ego! =(( But oh well. That's my weakest section...so I'll have to mug up on all the closures that I've done over the past year. ARGH. And biology olympiad. What can I say. I've only made sense of immunology!!

Today passed relatively quickly. Must have been the multitude of air-conditioned venues we managed to have our tutorials in. Don't belittle the power of the AIR-CONDITIONER. *in a evil Sauron-like voice* It was sweltering hot today and it didn't help the least bit that it was combined assembly today at the school-next-door. *rolls eyes* Spent a good twenty minutes cooking myself under the boiling morning sun. The rest of the day was unbearably ovenlike too. I was perspiring like there was no tomorrow even as I was walking from one lecture theatre to the other. Beat that. By the time it was 5.20pm, I was already doused in my disgustingly foul-smelling perspiration. If only I had known, I would have brought a change of clothes!! Ugh. Had to tolerate the icky stickiness the entire day. Yucks.

That being said, it's a half day on Wednesday and a full day holiday on Thursday! That's great! Hark, all who would listen! T'is a blessed time to pull up your pungent and soggy socks and mug up hard for the promotional exams, which will mark the start of the reign on hell in a month. You have been warned.

ps. "JC people live for the weekends, which only last for two days."

Well said, David.